Pikario & Chuigi: Bozos in Time!
by The Great Chicken Miasma
Summary: [HIATUS] Our favorite Pokemon duo return in this intergalactic sequel! This time, the Shroomishroob aliens have stolen Peach and plan on taking over the past Shroomish Kingdom! Can our heroes and their baby selves team up to save her from Shroom doom?
1. Back to the Future or Forward to the Pas

_**Authoress' Notes:** Hooray! It's finally here! The much-wanted sequel to the famous **"Pikario & Chuigi"** series is here! XD As for the game itself, I hate to admit it, but everything was a little... lacking. Not that it wasn't good, but it pales in comparison to the first, which isn't saying much, because EVERYBODY loves the first M&L, don't they? But... the one thing about the game that pissed me off the most was THE ANNOYING BATTLE MUSIC, OH MY GOD! Holy crap, if it weren't for the fact that I was constantly trying to push the 'Y' button and keep Luigi's sorry ass alive, I probably wouldn't have finished it in 4 days. (Starting around 7:30am, Dec. 25 and finishing around 5:30am, Dec. 28) I also gained a little inspiration from it that I might add into **"BOA"** later. (It has something to do with the final bosses; I love them so. They remind me of Vivian and Marilyn. :D) But yeah, enough of my crap. Enjoy the story!

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_**Pikario & Chuigi: Bozos in Time!**_

_**Chapter 1:** Back to the Future... or Forward to the Past!

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_**KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!** HERE WE ARE! IN THE UNIVERSE! OMG! And in this universe, there's a planet called Earth! And on this planet, there's a kingdom; the _Shroomish _Kingdom! _

_...But that's not the point! The point is, that there is... ANOTHER planet! Yes, Earth is not the only planet full of unintelligent life! Anyway, this other planet is very freaky! Its freaky natives float freakily in space, freakily looking down upon this freaky planet Earth that is very freaky, or if it is, it's less freaky than these freaky freaks! And now, even as we speak, they freakily plot their freaky plans to freakily take over this pathetic, little freaky kingdom and make it as their own freaky kingdom! Why? **BECAUSE THEY'RE FREAKY!** ...Plus, aliens have this bad habit of taking over planets as a guilty pleasure, so...

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**_BACK ON EARTH! The Shroomish Kingdom: Circa 20 Years Ago!_**

_It was a super, happy fun-filled day and Baby Pikario and Baby Chuigi were walking along the road merrily, for they were going to see their bestest best fwiend in da whole wide wohld, Pwincess Peachie! Aww! CUTE!_

"Ah! Yes, Baby Mario and Luigi are here!" Shroomsworth welcomed the two, lugging around some beer! "You want to see the princess, right? Yes, of course I'm right! What the hell? I'm talking to a pair of dumbass babies! Do you even understand me?"

"**EETZ PWAY TIME NOOOOOOW!"** Baby Pikario shouted, as he jumped on Shroomsworth and started humping his leg!

"GAH!" Shroomsworth kicked him off. "DISGUSTING LITTLE RAT! GET AWAY FROM ME! You're lucky I let you come today! The only reason you and you're presumably gay brother are here is because Peach won't shut the hell up until she gets some playmates!"

Baby Pikario blinked cutely. "...Pway time?"

"More like 'Get away from me and leave me to my liquor' time!" the Breloom spat as he tossed the two into the next room! "I swear... I don't get enough ass for this... And I thought women liked babies... WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING WRONG?"

* * *

_**Meanwhile, in teh next room!**_

"WHEEEEEEEE!" Baby Peach jumped off a chandelier, did a perfect summersault, and landed on the ground! "YAAAAAY!"

"PWAY TIME!" Baby Pikario shouted as he ran in!

"Pway time?" Baby Peach was confused, then happy! "PWAY TIME!"

_Baby Pikario then proceeded to start humping her, as an involuntary kind of thing! ...And she enjoyed it!_

"Ooooh, 'ou gunna git in twouble!" Baby Chuigi pointed out!

_Just then, **BOOOOOM!** It's Baby Bowser the Squirtle! CUTE!_

Shroomsworth stumbled in, obviously intoxicated. "I SAY! WHAT IS THIS? I'm trying to get drunk here!"

"Beat it, Gramps! The princess belongs to me now, as I am currently undergoing rigorous training for the repetitive kidnapping of her in the future! MWAHAHAHAHA!" Baby Bowser laughed!

"Oh, yeah?" Shroomsworth challenged. "Well, I'm almost 100 percent un-sober, so I can take you on!"

_Baby Bowser touched his leg!_

Shroomsworth fell to the ground! "AH! MY HIP!"

"HA HA! WIMP!" the baby prince taunted.

"Hey!" Baby Pikario was pissed! "Dat's not vewy nicey-poo!"

"'Nicey-poo'? Get some speech therapy, freak! That's not even a word!" Baby Bowser scoffed.

"**FIGHT TYME EEZ NOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!"** Baby Pikario leapt into battle!

Baby Bowser sweatdropped. "What?"

_**Bottle Mode Start! GOO GOO!**_

Baby Bowser frowned. "What the fuck? 'Bottle Mode'? It's 'BATTLE Mode', you ass! What's wrong with you?"

_Baby Pikario used Diaper! EWW! **IT STINKS SO BAD!**_

"ACK! Holy crap, that reeks!" Baby Bowser choked! "Alright, that's it! IT'S GO TIME!"

_Baby Bowser used Water Gun, but Baby Pikario swallowed it!_

Baby Bowser raised an eyebrow. "What the hell...?"

_Baby Pikario used Wet Diaper! **SOMEONE GET THE TOILET!**_

"EWW! You wet me!" Baby Bowser's lip started trembling! "You... you... you big... meanie! **_WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_**

_Baby Pikario saw this... and started crying, too! **"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"**_

_Baby Chuigi and Baby Peach weren't even **in** the fight and they started crying! **"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"**_

_**Bottle Mode... Completed? Oh no! This didn't go over well at all!**_

Irritated, Shroomsworth started shaking Baby Bowser! "You see what you did? Now, they're gonna be like this for the rest of the night! So much for peace and quiet..."

"It's not my fault!" Baby Bowser continued to wail. "As heir to my nonexistent father's throne, I hafta do this! You think I _like _comin' here everyday, when I can be outside, dropping dirty diapers on people? I'm making a great sacrifice here!"

_Then, **BOOM!** Uh, AGAIN! _

Shroomsworth looked out the window! "What the—Hey! I must be... uh...what do these kids call it these days...? Oh yeah! I'm totally gettin' jiggly wit it, 'aight?"

Baby Chuigi stopped crying and also looked out the window. "OOH! DONUTZ! EYE WANNA DONUT!"

Baby Pikario joined in the window gazing. "Where donutz?**_ I WUNT SUM NOW!" _**

_Outside, the castle was being INVADED BY ALIENS! ...Wow, isn't that cliché...? But they were everywhere and blowing up the castle!_

_...Oh, who can possibly stop this takeover from ensuing and destroying our favorite Baby duo, not to mention the future princess and all the unimportant Shroomishes who happen to live there? Will it be someone heroic and dashing? Someone with a heart of gold and a sense of adventure? Why, it might even be someone who's purity of heart can change the very world as we know it..._

_...Unfortunately for us, we get stuck with the bozos, the older Pikario & Chuigi... Dear friends, the end of the world is near...

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_**The Shroomish Kingdom: Circa...um... NOW!**_

_And now, it's time for the Shroomish Kingdom News, or SKN! As all of you shrooms out there know, Professor E. Gadd, who decided to do this for **NO **reason whatsoever, has made a time machine! ...What the hell? Wasn't he supposed to be engrossed with ghosts for all eternity and beyond? ...No? Eh... Anyway, Princess Peach, being the ass she is, has volunteered to test it out, traveling back in time! ...Wouldn't it make more sense if some random, unimportant Shroomishes were sent instead, because you know DAMN WELL she's not coming back in that thing, as someone, somewhere for some freaky reason or other will just _have_ to abduct her... Meh... And, as if anyone cares, retarded heroes Pikario & Chuigi are here on the scene, not like them being here actually matters, ya know..._

"Shut up! You're not on air anymore!" Pikario punched the Lakitu's camera, breaking it in the process!

"AHH! You're gonna pay for that! WHY AM I SO UNLOVED?" Lakitu bellowed before flying away.

"Because birds who always have their heads in the clouds never get laid!" Chuigi rudely remarked!

Pikario made a face. "Chuigi, if you haven't noticed, you're still a virgin, too..."

"Yeah, well..." he quickly searched for an answer. "Birds... birds are retarded, so I don't count!"

"Whatever... Virgo..."

"**THAT'S JUST A COINCIDENCE!" **

"**_PRIIIIIIIIIIINCESSSSSS!"_** an older, crankier, more perverted Shroomsworth bellowed! "Why did I ever let you get talked into doing such a ridiculous thing? I SHUN MYSELF WITH SHAME!"

"Gah... will someone_ please_ shut him up? He's been doing that for over an hour now..." E. Gadd grumbled.

Pikario promptly picked up his little brother and jammed his head into Shroomsworth's mouth! "There! Happy, now?"

"...That's not exactly what I had in mind..." Chuigi pouted.

"I already told you; Peach is fine, jeez! There's a 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 percent chance of her returning safe and sound, okay?" E. Gadd said, also getting very annoyed.

"Oh no! It looks like Shroomsworth has randomly died!" Pikario shouted!

Shroomsworth yanked Chuigi out of his mouth and scowled. "No, I did--"

_WHAM! Pikario knocked out Shroomsworth!_

"I reiterate!" he shouted again. "It looks like Shroomsworth has randomly died!"

"...Well, at least it shut him up..." E. Gadd mumbled, going back to inexplicably doing something he wasn't a second ago!

_Then, **BOOM!** Okay, this is getting repetitive... The Time Machine appeared out of nowhere and it looked like it'd been to hell and back!_

"What the fuck happened here?" Chuigi asked.

Pikario sneered. "Okay, she's back! Now, outta the way so we can go up to her room and um... 'negotiate'... Yeah... that's a good word..."

"You're just trying to rub it in, AREN'T YOU?" Chuigi glared from the other side of the room, then randomly added, "AND I'M NOT GAY, EITHER!"

Shroomsworth rammed Pikario out the way! "MOVE IT, BUSTER! You and your sexy shenanigans are really starting to piss me off!

"Eww... Do you mean that in a good way, or a bad way?" Chuigi grimaced.

Pikario threw a DS at his bro! "SHUT UP!"

"Oh, Peach! I've been so worried! Are you...?"

"悲しい敗者! 貴重な王女決して会うことができない! 私達は引き継ぐすべてを!" _1) _Some crazy, deformed Breloom stepped out! It looked like a friggin' T-Rex!

E. Gadd freaked out! "What the hell?"

"Wow, Peach!" Chuigi laughed! "You really let yourself go, huh?"

"私が言ったことを公正なない聞いたか。行っている!" _2)_ the Shroomishroob alien thing flipped Pikario off!

"HEY! I don't know the hell you just said, but THAT..." Pikario pointed at the middle finger! "...MEANS WAR!"

Chuigi sweatdropped. "Come again?"

**_Battle Mode Start! 0h n03z!1!one11!111eleven1! r4nd0m b4ttl3 wi7h 4n 3vil 4li3n!one111!_**

"HAHAHAHAHAHA! 今日行っている、小さい人!" _3)_ the alien said!

"I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU!" At that point, Pikario then took out a bazooka! "THIS is what crazy-ass people like you get when you mess with the master!"

The Shroomishroob sweatdropped! "...から来られてか。ことしたところちょっと、今?" _4)_

Then, Chuigi realized something! "Hey! How come I'm not in this fight?"

"Because your stupid puns and tidbits are starting to get gay!" Shroomsworth shot back.

Chuigi pulled on his ears! "For the last time, I'M NOT GAY! And even if I was, there's absolutely nothing wrong with the matter! Gay people are just as smart and talented as normal people except... well, they're gay... BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT!"

_**BOO—**You know what? Screw it! No more **'BOOM'**s today! We've already gone past our limit! Pikario shoot the Shroomishroob thing!_

**_Battle Mode Completed! NO MORE BOOMS? YOU MUST BE MAD!_**

"Well, that was exciting," Pikario remarked in a very bland way.

Looking inside the machine, a Shroomish panicked. "ACK! Not good! Not good! Peach ain't in there! She ain't in there, yo!"

Chuigi shrugged. "Like we didn't see this coming?"

_Just then... uh... **EXPLOSION NOISE!** It came from outside!_

Pikario whipped around. "NOW what?"

"After that RPG-induced battle you just had, I'd say it was probably a plot hole or something, randomly appearing in the middle of the front lawn," Chuigi gratuitously answered.

Pikario punched him in the nose! "STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!"

Then, a Shroomish ran in. "Hey! Hey! There's like, something outside that's, like, all swirly and stuff! What the hell is it, sirs?"

"Eh, it's probably just another Time Hole or something..." E. Gadd shrugged.

Chuigi raised an ear. "Wow, that was random..."

"What do you mean _another _Time Hole? What is a Time Hole? Why is it out there? Why wasn't I memoed about this?" Shroomsworth demanded!

The Spinda pointed towards the sky. "I suggest everybody stop bitching and follow me outside! TO THE FRONT YARD!"

_And with that, he magically flew into the DS's Top Screen, which doesn't really exist, and made his way to the front lawn, which is actually the courtyard, but that sounds too proper and saying 'front lawn' is funnier!_

After a while of staring at the DS's Top Screen, which doesn't really exist, Chuigi cleared his throat. "...Think he gets frequent flyer miles?"

Pikario glared at him. "...That was really gay, man."

* * *

_**On the Front Lawn!**_

E. Gadd stood in front of a swirly, whirly thingy! "Just as I predicted; A TIME HOLE HAS APPEARED!"

Pikario fingered his ears. "Dude, why are you yelling? We're _right freaking here!_"

"And I thought Peach used your time machine thingy to go to the past... So... why is there a Time Hole here?" the Pichu asked.

"And why is everybody referring to it so ordinarily? It just... popped up out of nowhere and you all act like crap like this happens everyday!" Shroomsworth pouted.

E. Gadd yanked on his strand of hair in aggravation. "FOR GOD'S SAKE! It's a rift in the Time Space Continuum! By sending my time machine into the past, I've changed it, therefore, this Time Hole is the result of the rip in the Time Space Continuum!"

"Don't 'rip' and 'rift' mean the same thing?" Chuigi frankly inquired.

Pikario smacked him in the back of the head. "What do I have to do to shut you up?"

"Fine, then! Master Mario, you and the other guy shall go through this thing and save the princess!" the evil, old Breloom shouted.

"But we don't know where this Time Hole leads!" said E. Gadd.

"Wouldn't it, like, lead to here, only in the past, and stuff?" a random Shroomish asked.

E. Gadd adjusted his glasses! "...No."

"Hmm..." Chuigi peeked into the Time Hole. "It's like being drunk... but without the hangovers! I can stare at this thing all day!"

"I wouldn't get too close to that, Chuigi..." E. Gadd warned, not even paying attention, as he was busy making another invention because he knew what was going to happen next!

"Yeah... we wouldn't want you to fall into another dimension, with no possible hope of getting back to our time ever again... No, we wouldn't want that..." Pikario inched closer to Chuigi's derriere! UH OH!

"...Are you trying to imply that I'm gay?" Chuigi randomly defended for about the 15th time, not turning around.

Pikario threw him into the Time Hole! "No! I'm trying to imply that you're an ass! Sayonara, sucker!"

"_**OH,** **CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA**aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...!"_ Chuigi disappeared into the Time Hole, with the addition of seizure-inducing lights and stars! PRETTY!

Pikario sarcastically shrugged. "Oops?"

"WHAT THELL JUST HAPPENED?" called Shroomsworth from the ground, who was currently having a seizure!

"Well, that's just fucking great. Now you have to go get him!" Gadd scolded, knowing this was going to happen anyway!

"Uh... no." Pikario scoffed.

"Yes..." E. Gadd disagreed!

"No..."

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO! And that's final! No matter what you or what you say, you can't make me go!" Pikario finished!

* * *

_**The Shroomish Kingdom! Outside Christmashanukkahkwanzaa Village: Circa 20 Years Ago!**_

"Ahh!" Pikario fell on his ass! "Damn you, E. Gadd! Damn you and your nonsensical logics about cheese! I'll get you back one day, dammit! Just you wait! I'm going to kill your mom, then who'll be laughing? Huh? HUH? THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!"

"Can you get off me?" a rather smushed Chuigi mumbled.

Pikario did so and kicked Chuigi in the side! "This is all your fault, you know! If you hadn't fallen through that hole, none of this would've ever happened!"

"...And the fact that you're the one who threw me in is my fault, too, I'm assuming?"

Pikario kicked him again! "YES!"

_**WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!** A suitcase came through the Time Hole!_

"Hello! My name is Stuffwell and I'll be your suitcase guy!" said the cute suitcase! **"NICE TO MEET YOU!"**

"Ack! A zombie!" Chuigi panicked and jumped into a nearby tree.

Pikario shrugged. "A talking suitcase who looks like that evil Smiley-Face guy from Wal-Mart...? Must be the booze kickin' in again..."

"I was actually the suitcase you had on your last adventure, but the professor made me into a real boy! ...er, suitcase... for your convenience!" Stuffwell smiled.

Chuigi poked his head through the tree's branches. "You know, you'd think he'd have the decency to give us a _new _suitcase, not one that's possessed and all evil-like."

Stuffwell frowned. "I'm not possessed anymore! The professor used SCIENCE to rid me of that awful demeanor and give me this brand new, living one!"

Pikario sweatdropped. "And how did he do that?"

"Science is retarded and doesn't need reason for things to happen, so..." the luggage responded.

"Whatever. Talking suitcases are the shit--" Chuigi fell out the tree and onto his head! "...Ow?"

"I am also a functional computer, capable of downloading porn, playing mp3s, accessing AOL, and randomly computing words like 'LOL' and 'OMGWTFBBQ?' in big, flashing letters and background!"

"Really? Sweet!" Pikario picked up Stuffwell. "I say we take him and see if we can find anyone who suffers from epilepsy!"

"That and save the princess?" Chuigi grudgingly asked.

Pikario sweatdropped. "You can't ever let things end on a good note, can you?"

"...No. No, I can't."

_AWKWARD SILENCE TIME!_

"Yes, well... anyway... I'm here to help you on your quest to find the princess!" said Stuffwell. "I can hold your crap and occasionally fling it at people!"

Chuigi raised an eyebrow. "Okay, but how come you can talk? E. Gadd made you as a computer/suitcase... thing... and those don't usually talk..."

"Because two's company and three's a crowd! In other words, I am specifically inclined to help you have fun!" Stuffwell winked!

Chuigi sweatdropped. "That didn't answer my question..."

Pikario pushed him over! "Who cares about that? Okay... Stuffwell! If you're a computer, then tell us where we are! I don't like getting drunk in strange, unknown places besides the ones in my head!"

"Certainly!" Stuffwell looked around, seeing nothing but trees, flowers, and... oh yeah! The sky! Finished with his observation, he turned back to Pikario with a smile! "WE ARE COMPLETLY LOST! I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE WE ARE!"

Pikario and Chuigi both facefaulted! _**"Whaddya mean you don't know where we are?"**_

Stuffwell sweatdropped. "I mean, I don't know! We're outside Christmashanukkahkwanzaa Village, but as of our exact location, I AM CLUELESS!"

"Uh..." Pikario scowled. "Outside Christmashanukkahkwanzaa Village is a place, you know. So, that's where we are..."

"O RLY?" the suitcase asked!

"YA RLY!" the brothers replied!

"O RLY?"

"YA RLY!"

"O _RLY?"_

"YA **_RLY!"_**

* * *

_This continued on for about 3 days, so you get the idea! And so, Pikario, Chuigi, and their new friend, Stuffwell walked the long trail to Christmashanukkahkwanzaa Village in order to **STEAL CHRISTMAS FROM THE UNSUSPECTING WHOS! **...Oh, wait... They're not? Damn..._ _Meanwhile, there is danger in the sky! The Shroomishroobs are coming! That and flying diapers...

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_**Authoress' Notes:** Yay, Chapter 1 is done and quite longer than I first imagined! The "O RLY?" "YA RLY!" part is an inside joke I heard from a forum, basically meaning, "Oh, really?" and "Yeah, really!", so if youdon't get it, don't worry about it. Oh, and no offense to gay people. XD I really do like them because they have a colorful outlook of the world and see things in such a positive way! That was just a joke, with Chuigi and all. You know how it is. Translations are now. _

_1) "PATHETIC LOSERS! YOU CAN NEVER SEE YOUR PRECIOUS PRINCESS! WE SHALL TAKE OVER ALL!"_

_2) "DID YOU NOT JUST HEAR WHAT I SAID? YOU ARE GOING DOWN!"_

_3) "HAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU ARE GOING DOWN TODAY, LITTLE MAN!"_

_4) "...Hey, now where'd that come from?"_


	2. It’s Time to Kick Some Ass, Baby!

_**Authoress' Notes:** It's good to see Chapter 1 got some positive feedback, so on to Chapter 2! Oh, and I don't own anything except my own characters which I created with my lack of common sense. I DO NOT INTEND ON OFFENDING ANYONE AND IF I DO, I AM SORRY!

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_**Pikario & Chuigi: Bozos in Time!**_

_**Chapter 2:** It's Time to Kick Some Ass, Baby!

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_When we last left Pikario, Chuigi, and Stuffwell, they were on the way to Christmashanukkahkwanzaa Village because... uh... well, where else are they supposed to go? HUH? HUH? THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT! Anyway, they walked around and crap, fighting random puns of some freaky Goomba/Shroomishroob aliens and finally got to Christmashanukkahkwanzaa Village! _

Pikario surveyed the place. It was in ruins! "Geez, did these guys party hard or what?"

Chuigi nodded. "You see, THIS is why I think the holidays are evil! Christmas is bad enough and when you throw in crap like Hanukah and Kwanzaa, you get this! I say good riddance to these assholes..."

"I am having the sensibility of possible lifeforms over in that house right there!" Stuffwell interrupted. "Shall we be doing the snooping around and the looting?"

Pikario ran into the house! "Hell yeah! Where's the dough?"

Chuigi picked up a mistletoe. "Eh... I don't think there's anything here to steal... and be proud about..."

"Ho ho...OW! Dammit! Help! I'm stuck in this freakin' chimney! Shrooms don't go well with fire, you know?" shouted someone stuck in the fireplace that was still burning.

"Look! FOOD!" Pikario turned up the heat. "Let's have Shroom Roast for dinner!"

"Aha!" Chuigi pointed! "You can't say that word! That's copyrighted by_ "Paper Mario 2" _and by using it, you have to pay $200 to avoid copyright infringement!"

"**FORGET YOU!"** Pikario turned up the fire so much, it blew the Shroomish, who was really the mayor, out of the chimney!

"Oh ho!" he shouted from outside! "I AM FREE! AND CHRISTMAS IS SAVED!"

_He was then approached by 3 Shroomishroobs!_

The mayor sweatdropped. "Ah... Well, I guess there's always next year..."

Then, Pikario and the other 2 came out! "What the heck?"

"これらの敗者はだれであるか?" _1)_ asked a Shroomishroob in a UFO as he abducted the mayor!

"それらを誘拐できる私達はか?" _2)_ inquired another.

Chuigi sweatdropped. "Alright, who're the lazy assholes who forgot to translate these guys?"

"Actually, they're speaking that way naturally!" said Stuffwell. "They're from another planet, therefore, Nintendo can't translatify them!"

"...Well, that's stupid..." the Pichu blatantly remarked.

"これらの人は愚かに見る! 巨大なレーザーとのそれらを発破を掛けよう、爆発するのを見る!" _3)_ laughed the Shroomishroob in the UFO. He then took out a big-ass laser!

"Wow! Cool big-ass laser, man!" Chuigi complemented.

Pikario whacked. **"YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO COMPLEMENT EVIL PEOPLE WHO SPEAK JAPANESE AND USE BIG-ASS LASERS ON YOU!"**

_I'm guessing you know what happens next, so...

* * *

_

_**Meanwhile, in the sky!**_

"Listen here, you!" Baby Bowser addressed Shroomsworth and the babies. "I only saved your asses because your death will be by MY hands, not those... whatever the hell those things were! GOT THAT?"

"Go to hell! **I'm** the oldest! I don't have to listen to you!" Shroomsworth revolted, using Sky Uppercut and knocking the prince on his shell!

"GAH! Fine! FINE! You win this time... but wait til I learn Blizzard! You'll be sorry then!" threatened the Squirtle.

"LOL!" shouted Baby Pikario.

":)!" said Baby Chuigi... somehow!

A Koopa ran up and saluted! "Sir Lord Prince Sovereign Master Optimum Almighty Great..."

"SHUT UP!" Baby Bowser shouted. **_"What is it?"_**

"It seems that there're some dead survivors down in that gosh forsaken hellhole! Should we help 'em?"

"What? No! It's almost lunchtime and it's _PIZZA DAY! Mwahahahahaha!"_ Baby Bowser laughed evilly as he rose from the floor!

"**_EYE WUn 5um PeeZAA Too !11!1one!1"_** Baby Peach started crying! Her bawling was so loud, it started shaking the ship!

Shroomsworth frowned at Baby Bowser. "You uncouth ruffian! Give her some of your pizza, or I shall smite you!"

"I don't even _have _any pizza! I just forgot: _TODAY'S THURSDAY! NO PIZZA FOR ME!"_

"**_EyE n3Ed 2 G0 TWo teh B4tHro0m!one11!eleven1!"_** she continued bawling!

"OKAY! OKAY!" the prince shook one of the Koopas. "STOP THE SHIP HERE! LAND, DAMMIT, **_LAND!"_**

"YESSIR!" A Koopa guy quickly landed the ship, practically killing the 3 Shroomishroobs!

"THERE! Are you happy now?" Baby Bowser spat.

Shroomsworth grabbed the princess. "I need to take her outside! My god! When she needs to go to the bathroom, it's like friggin' Niagara Falls!"

The prince booted him and Baby Pikario and Baby Chuigi out for no reason! **"THEN, WHAT'RE YOU DOING STILL TALKING TO ME! GET HER OUTTA HERE!"

* * *

**

**_Outside the ship and inside the village!_**

Shroomsworth turned his nose up as Baby Peach turned the snow yellow! "No more powder milk for you, young lady! I swear... and if you drink the normal kind, you get constipated... It's just a no-win situation for me, isn't it?"

"0H N03Z!1!11" Baby Pikario randomly shouted. "Dere's sum dead ppl over dere!"

"So?" asked the Breloom, who didn't care.

"SO?" Baby Pikario pouted. "So, we help 'em!"

Chuigi frowned. "Y?"

"Cuz... uh... cuz if we doo, den maybe we'll git c00kies!"

"CHOCOLATE CHIP c00kies?" asked the younger.

"CHOCOLATE CHIP C00KIES!" his brother confirmed.

"_**H00R4Y!" **_

_And so, Baby Pikario & Baby Chuigi ran over to help the presumably dead... uh, people!_

Shroomsworth trudged behind. "Trust me... you're not getting any cookies for finding dead people. That's what you get for GOING AWAY!"

"Look! L00k!" Baby Chuigi urged.

Shroomsworth suddenly stopped and picked up the dead Chuigi by his ear. "Hmm... How odd... It seems that the freaks who live here look a lot like you, therefore, they must be your kind, therefore, I can leave you annoying little brats with them! **HOORAH FOR MATURE CONTEMPLATION!" **

"**HOORAH FOR MATURE CONTEMPLATION!" **Baby Pikario repeated, bouncing up and down!

"**HOORAH FOR MATURE...** con... contem... conte... **_CONSTIPATION!"_** Baby Chuigi said!

Shroomsworth jumped up and down. **_"STOP REPEATING AFTER ME, YOU BUMBLING BAFFONS!"_**

_Just then, a Shroomishroob crawled from underneath the ship!_

"ちょっと、一見! 外国人は!" _4)_ it said.

"攻撃?" _5)_ asked another who also survived.

"攻撃!" _6)_ shouted a third, as he appeared out of nowhere!

"Hey! Have you freaks come to take the babies away?" Shroomsworth asked eagerly.

"**_EET'Z TYME 2 FITE!"_** Baby Pikario randomly shouted!

_**BOTTLE MODE START! GOO GOO!**_

"なぜある赤ん坊の束を戦っている私達がか。?" _7)_ asked one Shroomishroob.

"だれが気遣うか。多分私達がのを殺せば、彼女の高度にある私達が付いている性が!" _8)_ said the other.

"私は彼女がニップルのためのきのこを!" 食べることを聞いた!"_9)_ drooled another, whose name was Baka.

"私は実際に... それを聞く必要はなかった..."_10) _sighed the first one.

"Baby Pikario and his asshole brother!" Shroomsworth shouted, annoyed by all the Japanese gibberish. "Quick! Grab the freaks who look like you and run for it!"

The babies looked at each then grabbed their future somewhat dead, but not really selves! **_"OK!"_**

_**BOTTLE MODE OVER! What kind of insensitive jerks fight little babies anyway?**_

Baka looked shocked. "... か。" 何?" _11)_

"ニースに行くこと! 逃げることを許可したそれらが!" _12) _shouted Kage at the other Shroomishroob!

"私は逃げることを許可したそれらがか。" growled Baka. "かだれが彼女の高度のニップルについて1 才である!" _13)_

Then, Kino decided to intrude! "ちょうど今している何を私が彼女に言うとき2 従って破裂させてあることを行っている! _14)_

_**方法無し**__ 15)_ Kage and Baka both attacked Kino!

* * *

_**Back in the sky!**_

Pikario squinted and woke up with a start. "...What the fuck?"

Baby Pikario smiled! "WAKI35! WAKIES!"

"AHH!" Pikario unknowingly jumped onto Shroomsworth! "Whose kid is that? It ain't mine! I SWEAR, IT'S NOT MINE!"

"Such nonsense!" Shroomsworth threw Pikario off. "You and your brother ARE the fathers of these tots, are you not?"

Pikario freaked out! **"NO! NEVER! I DIDN'T DO IT! YOU CAN'T BLAME ME! AND CHUIGI'S NEVER MADE IT WITH A WOMAN BECAUSE HE'S GAY!"**

"HEY!" Chuigi glared at his older sibling.

Stuffwell smiled! "Settle down! No worries! HAVE HAPPIES! I know what's happened here! We are 20 years in the past and these are your baby Pichu selves! Aren't they just the cutiesties?"

"So they're us...? As babies?" Chuigi asked.

"Duh! Didn't he JUST say that?" Pikario grumbled.

"H3WWO!" smiled Baby Chuigi. "I liek che3ze!"

"What the...?" his older counterpart sweatdropped. "What's with those numbers?"

"What numb3rs?" asked Baby Pikario.

"Nevermind..."

Pikario scoped Baby Pikario. "Ha! Even as a kid, I was primed for fame and fortune! Just look at him! Big, vibrant ears, clear blue eyes, sexy appeal... No wonder I get all the credit and you don't!"

"My guy looks cool, too!" Chuigi protested, holding Baby Chuigi up. "He's got everything do... AND BETTER!"

"Yeah, right!" scoffed the older.

"ENOUGH!" Baby Bowser stomped the ground. "Everybody shut up now or I'll throw you overboard!"

"And this must be Bowser!" Chuigi stifled a laugh.

Baby Bowser gave him an evil glare. "What's so funny? I COMMAND YOU TO STOP LAUGHING!"

Pikario pushed him over. "Or else what?"

"HEY! You can't do that to me! **I'M THE FUTURE KING!"**

Ignoring him, Pikario noticed the princess in her cute little crib! "And... that's _Peach? _Holy crap!" He flipped her upside down and viewed her anal area! "You've got nothing down there and I mean NOTHING!"

"I liek 2 eet candy and reed bedtyme stories!1" she chirped.

"And you're Shroomsworth, huh?" Chuigi observed the caretaker, gun in hand. "In that case, let's kill you now so you'll be outta the way in the future!"

"I beg to differ!" Shroomsworth sliced his gun in half with a Sky Uppercut! "If you kill me, then who'll take care of the princess?"

Chuigi was outraged. "HEY! Man, that cost like $300!"

"Not my problem!" he snatched the princess from Pikario. "And get your hands off Her Highness, you!"

"You can't tell me what to do! I'm her future mate and heir to the throne!"

Baby Pikario toddled over and started humping Peach again. "Playtime i$ now! ...I tink..."

"I WANT SOME MILK!" called the princess.

Chuigi backed away. "Ew..."

"HA! Even more evidence that I'm cooler!" jeered the Pikachu.

"Uh, sir? We're receiving a transmission from the Shroomishroobs!" called out a Koopa.

"Put it through!" ordered Baby Bowser, recovering from Pikario's assault.

_All of a sudden, a screen appeared and there was a freaky Breloom on it wearing a dress and a crown! OMG!_

"HA HA! あなたの基盤すべては米国に属するある! 作ってはいけない存続する時間を!" _16)_ she screeched.

Shroomsworth sweatdropped. "What?"

"Hey, lady! Speak frickin' English! I can't understand you!" the prince shouted.

**"私は世界を支配し、私が高等学校の影の女王を知っていたので私を停止することができない****_! HA HA HA HA!"_ **_17)_ Afterwards, the screen went black!

Chuigi crossed his arms. "Well, that was weird."

Pikario eyed him. "Like you're not?"

"SIR! There's a missile dead ahead... uh... I mean, behind us!" panicked a Koopa controller guy.

Baby Bowser pulled on his necktie... thing! "Then blow it up! For crying out loud, do I have to tell you guys EVERYTHING?"

"But we don't have any ammo!" reported another Koopa controller guy!

"We can use these freaks as ammo!" Shroomsworth proposed, pointing to Pikario & Chuigi! "They're dead weight, anyway!"

"Hey! We're on a mission to save the world and you can't stop us!" Chuigi randomly spouted.

_**KABOOM!** The missile hit! May Day! Uh, February Day! We're goin' down! _

"Oh crap! And I just paid for the new paint job last week!" Baby Bowser complained, in a very cliché and nostalgic way!

_And so, the ship crashes and everybody dies...**THE END! **Hmm... Why does that sound so familiar...?

* * *

_

Sometime later, Pikario woke up in a fiery place that looked a lot like hell! "Uh... okay, am I dead or something?"

"Unfortunately, no," said a cross Chuigi. "We're in Bowser's friggin' castle!"

"I think you mean _Baby _Bowser's Castle!" corrected Stuffwell.

Chuigi threw his arms up in frustration. "WHATEVER!"

"Well, if we're in Bowser's Castle, then I can do this!" Pikario picked up his brother and hurled him into the lava! Ah, nostalgia!

Chuigi reappeared again, a scowl in his eyes! "...I hate you..."

* * *

_HOORAY! It's just like old times! Anyway, after traveling through Baby Bowser's castle, which has the CUTEST little rooftop, our heroes stopped as Chuigi's freakishly large ears picked up something!_

"What's that noise?" said the Pichu outloud, his ears twitching.

"You're hallucinating," responded Pikario. "Wanna take another lava bath?"

"OHES NOES!" shouted the suitcase. "I see the object Chuigi is hearifying!

"You seriously need speech therapy..." said Chuigi.

Pikario ignored the two losers and looked up to see Baby Pikario and Baby Chuigi hanging from the ceiling on some maces!_ **"HOLY CRAP!"**_

"HEY, CHU!GI! L00K!" Baby Pikario swung from the chains. "I IS FWYING!1!one11!"

"U BETTER GIT DOWN FROM DERE YEWZ GONNA GIT HERT!" warned a wary Baby Chuigi.

"We need to operate the savingness function so we can securify their safefulliness!" advised the suitcase.

"I don't know what the hell you just said, but you're right!" Pikario held his arms out! "Hey, Mini-Me!"

Chuigi snorted with laugher. "He said 'Mini-Me'..."

"Shut up, gay face! You _would_ laugh at that!" Pikario retorted. "C'mon, jump down here! We've got CANDY!"

"CANDY? YAY!" Baby Pikario jumped off the chain and landed on Pikario's head! I GIVE IT A PERFECT 10.0!

"Hey!" Chuigi waved his arms. "What about my guy?"

"I don't give a Furret's ass what happens to him!" shrugged Pikario. "He's your problem, not mine!"

"FINE!" Chuigi grabbed Stuffwell. "Baby Me! Jump onto this! It's cushy and soft and doesn't have cocaine in it!"

"OH NOES COCA-COLA! IM THRISTY!" cried the younger Pichu.

"**JUMP, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!"** Chuigi demanded!

"I DUN LIKE--!" Baby Chuigi was rudely interrupted as the mace he was hanging on broke loose and he fell on Stuffwell! ANOTHER PERFECT 10.0!

Chuigi let Stuffwell down, who sighed. "HAPPIES! Initiating 'Phew, that was close!' cycle! We gave the babies savingness!"

":)! I ween!" Baby Chuigi laughed.

"Now what?" asked Pikario.

"We cannot initiate the 'leave babies by themselves' tactic!" Stuffwell looked at the toddlers. "We have to bring them with us!"

"No way!" Pikario shook his head. "Babies suck! ...Literally..."

"Oh, come on! Pikario, it will be the funess!" the luggage informed the Mouse Pokémon.

"Besides," added Chuigi. "they **_ARE _**our past selves; If anything happens to them, it'll reflect on us!"

Hearing this, Pikario panicked! "Okay, okay! Fine! We'll take the little runts, but **_I_** take care of **_MINE _**and **_YOU _**take care of **_YOURS_**! Remember that, and we won't have any trouble!"

"Whatever, dude," replied the younger as he flipped him off.

"BOOGERZ R VERY TASTEE! I WUNT SOM NOWWS!" pouted Baby Pikario.

"They may be babies, but they're still Pokémon! And Pokémon can always fight for themselves!" said the Wal-Mart smiley-faced suitcase.

"You've got a point," nodded Pikario. "What attacks can you guys do?"

"Um..." _Baby Pikario used Volt Tackle on Chuigi!_

"_**Shit, man!** That fucking hurt!"_ Chuigi growled, rubbing his stomach.

"Ahh! Baby moves!" said the surprised Stuffwell. "Do you still possessify these moves?"

Pikario frowned. "What the hell are you talking about? Volt Tackle was just invented a few months ago! I bet Nintendo only threw that in to advertise the _Emerald Version_!"

"Ironifying..." was the suitcase's reply.

"Ooh, me next!"_ Baby Chuigi used Wish! Root Beer appeared from nowhere!_

Pikario sweatdropped. "Okay...?"

"Wait, that's funny... they drink Root Beer, we drink Beer!" Chuigi realized.

Pikario was obviously mad! **_"STOP LAUGHING! THAT'S NOT FUNNY!"

* * *

_**

_Now, with their younger selves, Pikario & Chuigi walked through the rest of the castle, fighting, really cool-looking Boos, Goombas, and the moderately annoying Boom Guys! Then they saw a familiar face!_

"Prince Bowser! Where are you?" called Kamek from his broom!

"**OH MY GOD! KAMMY'S A GUY!"** Chuigi shouted, now having to pay $200 for using a reference from "_PM: TTYD"_!

"Hey! It's you freaks from Yoshi's Island!" said Kamek, ignoring Chuigi along with everyone else. "Long time, no see, huh?"

"Shouldn't you be dead by now?" asked an annoyed Pikario.

"NO! I am a Pokémon of longevity... AND I AM IMMORTAL!" answered the crazy Wartortle guy who really should be dead by now.

"Longevitness is not the same thing as immortalityness!" observed the valise.

"SILENCE! You know, I'd totally pwn you guys if I weren't looking for His Highness right now! ...So..." he looked around. "I'll be back for you and stuff! ...DON'T YOU DARE MOVE FROM THIS SPOT!" And with that, he flew away!

After a while of unorthodox silence, Pikario blatantly scoffed, "Let's get the hell outta here."

* * *

_And they did, therefore continuing their journey! At the end of the freaking castle thing, they found a piece of a star shard thingy! How... original..._

"Is this thing a Crystal Star?" Pikario wondered as he looked at the star thingy.

Chuigi took the star shard! "That's another $200 from you!"

"SHUT UP!"

"You freaks!" shouted Shroomsworth as he ran in with princess. "Leaving us all alone out there to fight those ghastly enemies! You're lucky I can run so fast or else we never would've made it!"

"Wow, you're just as annoying here as you are in the future," grumbled Chuigi.

"Speaking of which," Stuffwell walked over to the swirly thing! "A new time hole has appearified here! Lucky us! Let's go though it!"

"But won't taking the babies to the future mean we won't exist?" questioned the oldest Pichu.

"...No..." said his brother as his jumped through the hole without another thought!

"Come on, freaky Breloom thing! Come with us back to the future!" said Stuffwell in a scary, monotonous way!

"MADNESS!" spat the evolution of Shroomish. "I can hold my own here, so I'd rather stay..."

"Can it, old man! You're going!" Chuigi rudely interrupted, kicking Shroomsworth the hole!

"I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR AAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaa..." Shroomsworth could still be heard screaming, even after Chuigi and his younger counterpart jumped in with the others!

* * *

_**SPINNING TIME THROUGH THE BIG SWIRLY HOLE OF PURPLE AND YELLOW STUFF!

* * *

**_

_What awaits our heroes in the future? Chaos? Confusion? Badly written episodes of Pokémon starring ambiguously gay men in Cacturne costumes? Only time will tell!

* * *

_

_**Authoress' Notes:** In case you were wondering, 'Kage' is Japanese for "Shadow", while 'Baka' is "Stupid or Idiotic", and 'Kino' basically means "Mushroom" or something pertaining to one (Like Shroomish's Japanese name is Kinokino and Toad's is Kinopio). All Shroomishroobs will have Japanese names for added purpose of the inside joke. I apologize if this chapter was a little boring, but I needed to round things out a little bit and not rush into everything like they did in the game. XD Translations relevant as of this moment. _

_1) "Who are these losers?"_

_2) "Can we abduct them?"_

_3) "These guys look stupid! Let's blast 'em with a giant laser and watch 'em explode!"_

_4) "HEY, LOOK! ALIENS!"_

_5) "Attack?"_

_6) "ATTACK!"_

_7) "Why are we fighting a bunch of babies?"_

_8) "Who the hell cares? Maybe if we kill 'em, Her Highness will have sex with us!"_

_9) "I heard she has Mushrooms for nipples!"_

_10) "...Baka, I really didn't need to hear that..."_

_11) "What the...?" _

12) "Nice going, Baka! You let 'em get away!"

_13) "_I_ let 'em get away? You're the one who was yapping about her highness' nipples!"_

_14) "You two are gonna be so busted when I tell her what you were doing just now!"_

_15) **"NO WAY!"**_

_16) HA HA! ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US! MAKE NO TIME TO SURVIVE!"_

_17)** "I SHALL RULE THE WORLD, AND YOU CANNOT STOP ME BECAUSE I KNEW THE SHADOW QUEEN IN HIGH SCHOOL! HA HA HA HA!"**_


	3. I M L337 N Asswood Forest!

_**Authoress' Notes:** Not much to say this time, I'm afraid! So, kick back and enjoy another chapter by yours truly!

* * *

_

_**Pikario & Chuigi: Bozos in Time!**_

_**Chapter 3:** I M L337 N Asswood Forest!

* * *

_

_**The Shroomish Kingdom: Circa...um... NOW!**_

_After arriving back in their normal period of time, Pikario, Chuigi, and the bratty ass babies decided that maybe they should go and show E. Gadd the strange, unoriginal star-shaped piece in Baby Bowser's Castle! Entering the front room, they see E. Gadd has the Junior Shroomishroob in a giant test tube! OOOOOOH! SPECULATION!_

"Ah, so I see the assholes have safely returned! Hoorah..." said E. Gadd, sarcastically.

"Shut up!" Pikario spat. "We went to the past and I didn't see Peach anywhere!"

"Yea," said Chuigi holding out the star-thingy. "All we found was this... piece of crap and our past selves."

"u deed? oh no!1" Baby Chuigi started crying!

"GOOD E!" spouted Baby Pikario!

"That so-called 'piece of crap' is actually part of the Cobalt Star that powered the time machine!" explained the Spinda.

Pikario examined the shard. "Then where the hell did you get the Cobalt Star from?"

"Uh..."

* * *

_**FLASHBACK TIME!**_

"So... are you _sure_ this is the Sapphire Crystal Star?" Vivian randomly asked, because s/he is a shemale. "It looks like it's made out of glass..."

"Of course it's not! Why would I lie?" sighed E. Gadd.

"Because you want to use the real Crystal Star on something really stupid, like a time-traveling machine that'll result in another ridiculous RPG that eventually invests in millions of dollars around the globe?" assumed Bobbery.

"...Uh... Look! _Homosexual ninjas and amoral women looking for strong seamen!" _

"**_WHERE?" _**Bobbery and Vivian whipped around with stars in their eyes as Gadd ran for it with the Sapphire Crystal Star, leaving them a glass look-alike!

_**FLASHBACK OVER!

* * *

**_

Gadd shook his head. "Never you mind where I got it!

"HAY, P!ARkio! U C DIS TING HEAR! ITZ BIG!" Baby Chuigi pulled on his older bro for attention.

"O RLY?"

"YA RLY!"

"QWIK! OP3N eet so wee kan git T3H MLIK ENCIDE!1" Baby Pikario ordered.

_All of a sudden, the Junior Shroomishroob went nuts at the sight of the Cobalt Not-At-All-From-PM2-Thingy Star!_

"What the hell?" Pikario raised an ear.

"OH N03S! Look! I tink he n33ds a dyper change!" Baby Chuigi pointed out.

_After scaring this shit outta the Jr. Shroomishroob, the Cobalt Not-At-All-From-PM2-Thingy Star went over to another part of the castle and blew up something! With its job done, it went back into Stuffwell!_

"Wow!" said the baggage. "I am seriously shockified! I had no idea it could do that, Prof.!"

"Who cares about what you did or didn't know?" sputtered the Spinda. "That thing just made another Time Hole somewhere, so I suggest you find it and go get the princess, you smelly assholes!"

* * *

_After that very rude and uncalled for insult, Pikario and the rest went to the newly-opened Shroom Shop, bought some beer for the adults and root beer for da widdle babies! AWW! DATZ SHO CYOOT! ...Yeah, well anyway... Now, they've found the freaking Time Hole and jump through it! And then..._

"YOU DEMON!" Young Shroomsworth bawled, running in. "LEAVE HER HIGHNESS ALONE! I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU!"

Old Shroomsworth ran in! "I should be saying the same to you! I bet you're probably planning on taking over the world with her EVIL OVARIES, AREN'T YOU?"

"SUCH NONSENSE!" Being the quick, young Breloom he was, Young Shroomsworth ran away! "YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME!"

"GET BACK HERE, YOU! I HAVE THE POWER OF TIME ON MY SIDE!" Being the slow, old Breloom he was, Old Shroomsworth gradually followed! "...or maybe not..."

* * *

**_The Shroomish Kingdom! Inside Asswood Forest: Circa 20 Years Ago!_**

"Okay, suitcase," Chuigi glared at Stuffwell. "Do you know where we are?"

Stuffwell smiled. "YES! We have landified in Asswood Forest, the forest of rear ends, cabooses, anal areas, and bluntly, BUTTS!"

Pikario turned his nose up. "Smells like shit in here!"

"Hence the name Asswood Forest!" added the luggage.

"Or it could just be the babies," Chuigi suddenly realized.

* * *

_EWW! I sure hope they brought along some clean diapers and underwear... not that babies can wear them, but I think it's a funny word to say, therefore, I'll now say it again. UNDERWEAR! Now back to the story! Pikario, Chuigi and the babies have now approached a Sudowoodo that keeps saying stuff like, "P...a... io... k...ario..." and won't leave them alone!_

"What do you want with us?" Chuigi threw some beer at the evil Sudowoodo. "Crap! Booze ain't working, man!"

Pikario held up his baby self. "Evil Sudowoodos are afraid of urine, not beer! ...Or water! And I've got plenty of it right here!"

"Stop! Mr. Pikario! I'm not an evil rock-like tree thing!" shouted a random Shroomish bound to the Sudowoodo that probably wasn't evil after all!

"Oh, dear! I know this Shroomish! Her name is Shroomiko! She is a friend of the Prof's! But what are you doing here? I am confusiated by your predicament!" asked Stuffwell.

"You... must save us..." coughed Shroomiko. "The Shroomishroobs scare the shit out of us and then use it to power up their ships in the Parc Factory up ahead!"

"THOSE FIENDS!" Chuigi roared. "How dare they do that?"

"What? Scare the shit outta all these poor, helpless Shroomishes and waste it all on their environment-killing machines?" Pikario asked.

"No!" Chuigi gritted his teeth. "They could've put that shit to better use by eating it or even letting some hit the fan!"

**_...AWKWARD SILENCE TIME!_**

"...Yeah, sure...whatever," Pikario finally said.

_All of a sudden, the aliens invaded... AGAIN! And in their reign of unspeakable 2-second horror, they turned Shroomiko into the recently-outdated Game Boy Advance! _

"You must save the Shroomish's shit!" the GBA blinked on and off! "For all of us!"

"Is it me, or is everyone around here trying to overdramatic in order to attar more attention?" Chuigi haphazardly asked.

"**IT'S JUST YOU!"** responded the Shroomishes and the Evil Sudowoodos they were bound to!

* * *

_Later on, after burning down the thick foliage leading to the Parc Factory with gasoline and NOT WALKING ALL OVER THE DAMN FOREST JUST TO OPEN THE FREAKING DOOR and fighting the oh-so-awesome Elasto-Piranhas, Pikario and company went inside the factory to do... stuff!

* * *

_

_Inside the Parc Factory, Pikario and assholes see two cute, little, evil Hammer Bros., who are actually Totodiles with oversized egos and really big Hammers, FYI! _

"**WE R TEH L33T #AMM3R BR0$. U C4NNOT PA$$. ORDERS H4V3 833N GIV3N FR0M L3T M4$T3R$ 2 TOTLLY PWN N00BS H3R3,"** drooled Evil, Hammer Bro #1!

"**HE IZ RIGHT. U IZ NOOB. WE ISH L33T. W3 PWN U TH3N U 4M CRY. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOMGWTF. XD,"** babbled Evil Hammer Bro #2!

Pikario sweatdropped. "Uh, Chuigi? I think we just found you're long-lost relatives..."

"Shut up, Pikario!" Chuigi punched him in the side. "Like you don't do that, too?"

"It seems that, because of their lacking in Englishspeakingness, the Shroomishroobs are using leetspeak to communicate with us through those helmets on the bros' heads! It's the easiest way to be learning English!" Stuffwell observed, because he kicks so much more ass than Marilyn the Shadow Siren, who is extremely irrelevant to this plot, but it's 5:30 in the morning and it's my story and I can type whatever the hell I want to, dammit.

"**$IL3NC3 IZ N0W. W3 PWN U N0W THEN L0L0RS AT U. LMAO,"** Hammer Bro #1 pulled a switch then the ALMIGHTY SUDOWOODO OVERLORD OF BOOGERS came out and dragged Pikario & Chuigi away in his huge nostrils, leaving the babes to fend for themselves! ...Heh... I said 'babes'...

"OH NO3S!" cried Baby Pikario. "W3 GOTS TA SAV3 EM!"

"#OW?

_And so, Baby Pikario contemplated, gaining logic and partially filling the lack of common sense in his empty little head! It was then that his immature little mind conjured up an idea! And for the first time in this story, he spoke **correctly**! ...And reflected the crude, rude Pikario attitude we all know of and love today! _

"We beat up the meanies and do some stuff to their underwear!"

"OOH DAT ZOUNZ PHUN!" clapped the _real _baby brother.

"**LOL. I L0LZ0RZ AT U. U AM ST00PED 8A8Y N008! I NOW PWN U WIT T3H L33T #AMM3R NOW. I $M4$H U!1"** droned Hammer Bro #2. He threw his Hammer at the babies, therefore starting a battle!

_**8attl3 M0d3 $tart!1 **0# N03! N0w T3H L33TSPEAK iz affcktin t3h $t0ry Pl0t!1_

"**LOL. WE GO FIR$T 83C4U$3 WE R0x0Rz & u suk,"** Hammer Bro # 2 said!

_Hammer Bro # 1 used Hammer! **It fell apart!**_

"**WTF?"** HB #2 looked dryly at his counterpart. **"WUT R U DOIN?12"**

"**I M PWN NOOBZ BCUZ U SUX0XRZ!"**

HB #2 faced the babies! **"UR #4MM3R SUX0RS!11!23 I GOO JGIT DEM NOW!123345!"**

_HB #2 used Water Gun! **IT DIDN'T WORK!**_

"**WTF?"**

"**LLOLOLLOLOLOLLLOLOLLMAOROTFLMAO!"** laughed HB #1.

"**U R N00B KAGE. EYE T0LD U TH3$3 H3LM3T$ W0ULDNT WORK U DUM4$$,"** growled HB #2.

"**$HUT UP K!NO TH!S WUZ UR ID34!1"** snapped HB #1!

Then, Stuffwell appeared out of nowhere! "Hello, cutesie babies!"

"H3WWO, SQWARE!" Baby Chuigi waved.

"It seems that the Shroomishroobs who are controllifying these Hammer Bros have activated their 'I don't like you! And I don't like, either!' mode!"

"FITEIN AINT NICE!" pouted Baby Chuigi. "I WUN ROOT B33R!"

"**I M PWN U THN I H4XORSXZ U!11"** shouted HB #2 as he charged into HB #1, completely missing him!

"**LOL. U SUX0rs!"**

_Stuffwell suddenly had an idea! Opening himself, he took out a dictionary that once used to belong to a certain King Koopa, but was recently swiped from him in the drunken rage of Chuigi! Since Chuigi was the one who'd stole it, it seemed proper to give it to little Chuigi!_

"Here! Take this and use it to fight! Knowledge is power, but it can also kill people!" he advised.

Baby Chuigi looked confused. "BUT I dun no howta reed yet!"

"If you use the book, we all have HAPPIES!"

Baby Chuigi's face lit up! "HAPPIES?"

_Baby Chuigi used DICTIONARY! DID YOU KNOW THAT DICTIONARY IS PRONOUNCED (dksh-nr)? **WELL, NOW YOU DO! LOL EX... DEE... EXCLAMATION MARK:)**_

"Now is my time to attack!" Baby Pikario **_legibly_** said! WOO HOO! NO MORE BAD READING!

_Baby Pikario used Pacifier! It shut up HB #2!_

"**LOLOLOLLLOOOL..."** HB # 1 stopped 'laughing'.** "0H N03Z WTF?"**

_Since HB #2 can't talk and HB #1 is currently suffering from the effects of learning from evil dictionaries, they forfeit...! Somehow..._

_**BATTLE MODE COMPLETE! HOORAY!** The plot is back to normal... if you call this shit normal..._

"Woah!" HB #1 shook his head as his control helmet broke! "Dude! These lil tykes here like, saved us and stuff!"

"THANK GOD!" sighed HB #2. "I was planning on becoming an author and I can't write stories speaking like THAT!"

"WE SAV3D THE WORLD!" Baby Chuigi danced about like a schoolgirl! ...Um, yeah...

"Wow! I've never been beaten by a baby before!" HB #1 scratched his head.

"OR a suitcase!" added HB #2, noticing Stuffwell. "Wow, this must be our lucky day! They say if you get beaten by suitcase, you'll be showered with liquid soap forever!"

Stuffwell, as it seemed to be his best quality. "I have happies! Now initiating 'I'm really glad you're not the bad guys anymore!' mode!"

"You guys are so cool, we're gonna hook you up with some extra Hammers that we just happen to have on us, even though Hammer Bros don't usually carry around 2 sets of Hammers, not to mention those of this kind, which are nothing like the ones we have because Nintendo can't think of a better way for you or your adult selves to get them, which is really sad because your adult selves can't even use these Hammers cause they're way too small and we don't have anymore with us and the ones we do have are ours and besides, they wouldn't work for you anyway, since they're official Hammer Bros Hammers and we wouldn't be Hammer Bros without them; just random Totodiles in Hammer Bro suits!" HB #2 was out of breath by the time he finished!

HB #1 sweatdropped and inched away. "Yeah... anyway, we're gonna take you to your counterparts now because that would save a lot of time on our part and on yours because who the hell wants to be walking around some creepy, evil alien factory that smells like poo?"

Baby Chuigi looked at his bro. **"...DEY SCAWRE ME!"

* * *

**

_Holy crap, Chuigi's such a wimp. Anywho, the longwinded Hammer Bros took Baby Pikario and Baby Chuigi through Parc Factory, teaching them the finer arts of kicking peoples' ass with Hammers and whatnot! They soon got to Pikario & Chuigi, who were currently arguing inside the ALMIGHTY SUDOWOODO OVERLORD OF BOOGERS' nostrils!_

"I told you it was bad idea to come in here!" spat Pikario. "We should've just blown up this dump like I said in the first place!"

"What if Peach was in here?" Chuigi retorted. "Her ovaries'd be blown sky high!"

"You don't even know what those are!"

"I HAVE A VAGUE IDEA!"

"Having a 'vague idea' isn't the same thing as knowing!"

"But it's on the verge of it!"

"_**THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!" **_

_Arriving at the scene, HB #1 and #2 pulled the bros out! _

"Sorry for causing so much trouble!" apologized #1.

"Yeah, but you're past selves settled everything all by themselves! We even gave them Hammers for their reward!"

"Oh!" Chuigi threw his arms up in frustration. "And we get sucked into a freaking, giant nose and we get squat? What the hell, dude? WHAT THE HELL?"

"Well, we were gonna hook you up with some extra Hammers that we just happen to have on us, even though Hammer Bros don't usually carry around 2 sets of Hammers, not to mention those of this kind, which are nothing like the ones we have..."

HB #1 knocked him out! "What he means to say is you can share the Hammers."

Stuffwell came forward. "So we all have happies! We're back together again and came resumify our search for the princess!"

Pikario picked a booger out of his hair! "Good. I was starting to get tired of this crap..."

"I guess you guys have a real _nose _for trouble!" HB #2 burst out laughing at his own oh-so-cliché-joke-that's-so-cliché-it's-not-even-worth-laughing-at-anymore-but-makes-you-feel-like-kicking-the-ass-of-the-person-that-dare-bring-it-into-a-perfectly-disturbing-conversation!

_Let's just say that HB #2 was not too happy about the events that followed; some of which involved him getting a broken leg, while others consisted of him having his nose punched and his tail stomped on!

* * *

_

_**Meanwhile!**_

Kage threw down his keyboard! **"****見なさいか。何をかさせる私を見なさい****!"** _1)_

Kino hurled his laptop at an unsuspecting Baka who'd just entered the room with some Mushroom Muffins! "それはだったあなたの欠陥すべて、だます!" _2)_

Baka shook his head. "私は考えが!」働かないように貴方達に言った!" _3)_

Kage snatched a Mushroom Muffin and angrily ate it! "とにかくだれが、尋ねたか?" _4)_

Baka sighed dejectedly. "知これについて余りに幸せである私は..." _5)_

"それから彼女に言ってはいけない、愚か!" _6) _Kino scoffed.

"ええ、彼女に言ってはいけない、人! 彼女が知らない何を彼女を傷つけない..." _7)_

_Little did Kino how very wrong he was, as "she" standing in the other room and had heard every word! Uh oh...!

* * *

_

_Oh, well! Alls well that ends wells! But now Pikario, Chuigi, Baby Pikario and Baby Chuigi have to find the way out of the Parc Factory, not to mention stop the Shroomishroobs from sucking all the shit out Shroomishes in Asswood Forest!...Not that anybody CARES about the Shroomishes, but... they might as well do it since they're in the vicinity...

* * *

_

_**Authoress' Notes:** Ah, l33tspeak: the master of all that is nonsensical and lackadaisical in thought. Notice how 'Parc' is actually 'Crap' spelled backwards?_ _**"W3 PWN U TH3N U 4M CRY."** Greatest... Line... EVER! XD TRANSLATIONS!_

_1) **"SEE? LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO, KINO!"**_

_2) "IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU FOOL!"_

_3) "I told you guys that idea wouldn't work!"_

_4) "Who asked you, anyway?"_

_5) "I don't think you-know-who will be too happy about this..."_

_6) "Then don't tell her, stupid!"_

_7) "Yeah, don't tell her, man! What she doesn't know won't hurt her..."_


	4. Big Bugs, Baby Bowser, and Beer Bellies!

_**Authoress' Notes:** Hooray for Chapter 4! The series is really going along smoothly, don'tcha think? **"BOA"** needs some attention, though, so after this, it'll be strictly that and maybe **"LIUITSV"** until... maybe the end of April... I dunno...

* * *

_

_**Pikario & Chuigi: Bozos in Time!**_

_**Chapter 4: **Big Bugs, Baby Bowser, and Beer Bellies! **OH MY!

* * *

**_

_Sometime later, the foursome found their way to the end of Parc Factory and saw... **A GIANT WEEDLE SLURPING UP BEER AND USING IT TO POWER SOME RANDOM ALIENS' SHIPS THROUGH HIS BUTT! OH NOES!**_

"Ah ha!" Pikario somehow concluded! "I see now! Instead of using the Shroomish's shit to power their machines, they extract the vital parts from it and use _that_ to make Budweiser substitutes, which they will then mix with Red Bull to give it wings, because the UFOs need to fly!"

"So why do they have a giant Weedle farting it up to them?" Chuigi asked, slightly disgusted by the scene.

"Because anal juices from overgrown bugs are rich in Vitamin C!"

Chuigi sweatdropped. "You're a sick Pikachu, you know that?"

Baby Chuigi toddled over to the Weedle's drink! "I"M TH!R$TY! GIMME N0W!"

Then Baby Pikario knocked it over with his Hammer! "NO DRINKIES 4 U! DATZ NOT NICE!"

"**_JHSKFHEJKDKSLWEIPOEKGVLROPF!"_** said the evil Weedle, who can't talk!

_**Battle Mode Start!** **QUICK! **Someone get the pesticide!_

"My sensors say this creature is called a Swiggler, because it's name is Wiggler and it swiggifies!" laughed the satchel.

Pikario frowned. "This thing looks like it's stoned!"

_Just then, 2 Dr. Shroomishroobs appeared! One had a Mushroom and the other had a Poison Mushroom!_

"Ooh!" Pikario pointed. "Get the Mushroom, for it will ensure victory, edibleness, and growth spurts in places were they shouldn't be happening!"

"My sensors say that if Swiggler drinks the Poison Mushroom, he will become weakened!" said Stuffwell.

_Baby Chuigi use URINE-FLAVORED ORANGE JUICE on a Dr. Shroomishroob! **HOW YA LIKE THEM APPLES, HUH?** _

_The Dr. Shroomishroob dropped his 'Shroom into the drink, therefore turning it into... **DIET CHERRY SODA! OH NO!**_

_Swiggler drank the diet cherry soda and vomited!_

Chuigi sweatdropped. "Was that supposed to happen?"

Stuffwell hopped about! "YES!"

_Pikario used FLYSWATTER! It didn't work!_

"Aw, crap!" Pikario frowned at the flyswatter. "This thing's too freaking small!"

"あなたのここに終わるは!" _1)_ said one Dr. Shroomishroob!

_Dr. Shroomishroob used **Prescription for an Incurable Disease That You're Going to Eventually Die from, So You Might As Well Give Me All of Your Money!** It didn't work! _

_Baby Pikario used BABY POWDER on a Dr. Shroomishroob, causing him to drop his Mushroom into Swiggler's drink!_

"NO!" Pikario slapped his forehead! "You were supposed to attack the _other_ guy!"

"**I #AV3 N0 R3GR3T$!"** Baby Pikario beamed!

_Swiggler drank the juice and now, he's... he's... HE'S TURNED INTO A KAKUNA! _

Chuigi's eyes went wide. "What the hell?"

"Crap! I hate it when evil bosses do that!" Pikario groaned. "Why do they always hafta go through these crazy changes into a completely different form like this?"

"So, it'll be easier for them to beatify us!" said the suitcase, not meaning beatify as in sanctifying someone!

Pikario shot him a look. "I didn't _ask_ you, ya know..."

_All of a sudden, **POOF!** The Kakuna turned into a Beedrill! _

Chuigi frowned this time! "What..._ the HELL?"_

"_Ooh, lookie D4 PURDY BUTTAFWY!" _Baby Chuigi pulled on his older self for attention._ "I WUNT EET!" _

_No longer angry, Swiggler happily flew away, squirting beer, crap, vim, shit and whatever the hell else was he was drinking all across Asswood Forest! It was like... a beautiful shower... of crap... and disease–carrying nuclear waste..._

Pikario roughly nudged his sibling. "Hey, man! It's Red Bull! IT GIVES YOU WINGS, BITCH!"

_Since Swiggler has become a Beedrill and flown away, that means he and his Dr. Shroomishroobs are now dead because they forfeit! _

_**BATTLE MODE COMPLETED!** Red Bull burns my taste buds!_

"#00R4Y!" Baby Chuigi picked up the left-behind star shard. "W3 WIN!"

Baby Pikario started humping the second one! "W3 GIT DEM 4LL IN N0 TYM3!"

"...Why must he keep doing that...?" Chuigi grumbled.

"Because he's not gay like you are..." Pikario answered.

_Before Chuigi could complain, Baby Bowser appeared!_

"Holy crap! Look over there! COMMON SENSE!"

"WHERE?" Everybody eagerly looked, due to the fact that common sense in this place is rarer than diamonds! ...And pickles, don't forget the pickles...

"MWAHAHAHA!" Baby Bowser swiped the shards! "How dare you losers try and steal this... uh... _these_ from me? I saved your asses once, almost at the expense of my own and so this is my reward! ...Well, I have 'em back now, so **GO AWAY! WE'RE EVEN!"**

_And with that, he and a randomly-appearing Kamek rode off into the night, laughing, snorting, and telling each other bad jokes about that one time the pineapple met a coconut at a bar! _

"I have the sadness!" shouted Stuffwell, who capriciously appeared. "The star shards have been swiped! SHAME CYCLE INITIATED! I guess all we can do now is go back home and try to figure out what's next!"

At the time, Pikario chose to punch his bro! "I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD'VE BLOWN THIS PLACE TO BITS!"

* * *

**_The Shroomish Kingdom! Circa...um...NOW!_**

_Feeling the effects of Stuffwell's shame cycle (not really), everyone went to see the crazy old Spinda guy for help!_

"Ah, you bunch of assholes can't do anything right, can you?" lectured the Spot Panda. "I tell you to collect shards and you end up losing both of them! And in the most retarded way!"

"It was Chuigi's fault," Pikario pointed.

"Hey--!"

"Whatever! Since you left, Time Holes have been popping up everywhere! I don't care which one you go to, just find those damn star shards! ...Oh, and go check on Shroomsworth in the front yard. That geezer's really starting to make me chafe with all this princess hoopla..."

* * *

_**In the Front Yard!**_

"**WAHHHHHH! I WUNN4 P!K4C#U D0LL!111!onelol!"** wailed the princess in a cutie baby buggy that completely appeared out of NOWHERE!

"Please, princess! Stop crying! I promise I'll buy you a Pikachu Doll when the shop gets one, but right now..."

"Shut up, you old doofus!" Young Shroomsworth growled. "Your ugly ass is making her cry more! We must use the Super-Breloom-Agility-Jump-That-We-Can-Only-Do-In-Order-To-Give-Pikario-And-Chuigi-An-Idea-Of-Performing-This-Attack-So-They-Can-Use-it-On-The-Field-Which-They-Probably-Won't-Because-They'll-Just-Skip-Ahead-Anyway Move!"

_They did the creepy-ass move and Peach... WAS NOT PLEASED!_

"**TH!Z ST#INKZ! I WUNN4 P!K4C#U DOLL!1"**

"She won't... she won't stop crying!" coughed Old Shroomsworth. "WHY WON'T SHE STOP CRYING? _WHY, MAN? **WHY?"**_

Baby Pikario sprung into action... and I mean that in the sexually disturbing way! "DOLLZ SM3LL LIK3 P00! 4ND SO D00 YU0, 2! LOL."

Baby Peach started giggling. "TAHTS FUNNY! & EET R#YM3S!"

"Geez, Pikario... I didn't know you liked to jack off so much..."

"Jacking off's not the same thing as scoring with someone..."

Chuigi glared. "...Yes it is..."

Pikario returned the glare. "Do you even _know_ how to have sex?"

"Wow!" Young Shroomsworth applauded. "Thanks a lot! You got her to quiet down!"

"How can you act so calm at a time like this? That dingy little Pichu whelp is violating the princess!"

"Cram it, old man! He shut her up, didn't he?"

"Yeah, but..."

The young Breloom ignored him. "Anyway, now we hafta teach you the Super-Breloom-Agility-Jump-That-We-Can-Only-Do-In-Order-To-Give-Pikario-And-Chuigi-An-Idea-Of-Performing-This-Attack-So-They-Can-Use-it-On-The-Field-Which-They-Probably-Won't-Because-They'll-Just-Skip-Ahead-Anyway Move, that we'll ironically call the Agility Jump, despite the fact that Brelooms can't learn Agility!"

"Won't that be a waste of time?" asked Chuigi.

"Not if the evil story plot persists!"

_**OH, GOODIES! IT DOES!** And so, Young and Old Shroomsworth taught Pikario and Chuigi how to use Agility Jump so they can run super fast and jump over ridiculously large pits, gorges, and black holes which they probably won't because the story plot is so disorganized! So now that that's done, **BACK TO ADVENTURE!** _

_Pikario decided that maybe they should use the Time Hole in the library because books are evil and since Bowser likes dictionaries, he'd be in cahoots with them! **WHOOSH!**

* * *

_

**_The Shroomish Kingdom! On Yoshi's Island of DOOM: Circa 20 Years Ago!_**

"Hooray! We're on Yoshi's Island of Doom!" exclaimed the suitcase.

Chuigi looked around. "You act like that's a good thing..."

"**IT'S NOT!" **

**_...AWKWARD SILENCE TIME!_** _Must we do this every time we go through a Time Hole?

* * *

_

_Sometime later, after scouting out Yoshi's Island of Doom, the guys came across some huts... FULL OF COOKIES! And of course, they stole them! It wasn't long before they came across a hut with something _other _than cookies in it!_

_**FLASH! FLASH! FLASH!** Someone had a camera!_

Pikario squinted. "What the hell?"

"#00R4Y!1" shouted Baby Pikario. "UR F4MOU$! LOL!1 :)"

"Aw, crap!" the Koopa behind the camera scowled. "I thought you geeks were aliens from another planet, but you're just a bunch of freaky Pikachus... and Pichus..."

"So, who are you?" asked Chuigi.

"Well..." The Koopa did a cute twirly... thingy and winked with a thumbs-up! "My name is Kylie Koopa and despite the fact that I failed English in high school, skipped Journalism in college, and can't spell worth squat, I still came out to be a semi-successful reporter! YAY FOR ME!"

Pikario sweatdropped. "Are you even a _real _reporter?"

Kylie frowned! "Shut up! Anyways... I came here to interview these Yoshies about their giant egg that hatched the other day!"

"Big deal," Chuigi shrugged. "Yoshies lay crap everyday."

"**SILENCE!"** Kylie slapped him with her notebook of illegible writings! "This egg came from outer space, mind you! And there're some pansy-ass Yoshies upstairs who won't come down and talk to me cause they're afraid of high cholesterol, or somethin'... Can your kids go up there and..."

"THESE AREN'T OUR KIDS!" Pikario made perfectly clear. "THEY'RE US FROM THE PAST!"

"Sure, whatever... Just throw 'em up there and tell 'em to tell the Yoshies I've got salt and cheese AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT!" Kylie said, extra-loud so the Yoshies could hear!

_So, Pikario and Chuigi flung their baby selves up to meet the Yoshies, who all seemed to be hiding from something!_

"HI Y0SHI3Z!" greeted Baby Pikario, knowing them from before.

"Hi, babies!" waved our favorite orange Yoshi, cause he's a Charmander thing!

"Shut the hell up!" shushed another Yoshi. "He's coming!"

**_私はそこにあることを知っている_****_私はあなたの恐れをかぐことができる_****_!"_** _2)_ Bellowed someone from outside!

"OH, SHIT! HE'S HERE!" cried a Yoshi.

"WE MUST FLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" shouted another!

Kylie stomped her foot. "What the hell's going on up there? I demand a scoop of ice cream!"

"Uh..." Chuigi sweatdropped. "I think you just mean a scoop..."

"**DON'T MAKE ME USE VOCABULARY ON YOU, BOY!"**

_Just then, all the Yoshies from upstairs jumped down and ran away!_

"There goes your scoop of ice cream..." Pikario sarcastically muttered.

"Hey, wait! You guys are such assholes! I camp out here for 3 stinkin' days and you all run away? I refuse to stand for this!"

_And so, Kylie gave chase!_ _Seeing controversy about to unfold, the bros also followed!

* * *

_

_...And it seems they were right! There was a HUGE Charizard outside, standing on top of the house! He was so big, his wings were like, a tenth of his size! He couldn't even fly! _

"_**ヨッシー**__**私はがほしいと思うヨッシー**__**私はであるヨッシー**__ 3) _he barked, jumping off the roof.

"Quick!" Pikario shoved everyone in. "Get back inside so we can see the carnage!"

_Not seeing the quartet, the gigantic Charizard stomped over and ate a Yoshi! OH NOES! Then he ate another! DOUBLE OH NOES! Then, Kylie appeared! _

"SHAZAM! Lookit that fat ass! Those freaks at the newspaper will pay like, a gazillion dollars just for your sweet behind!" she laughed, taking millions of pictures of stinky Charizard butt!

_...That is, until he turned around and also ate her! _

"Oh, shit! Look what you did to my camera! Some salt outta shut you up!"

_Knowing that salt was **very bad**, the Charizard spit up Kylie and continued eating Yoshies! _

"Hey you!" shouted the main and very stupid Yoshi! "Unhand them, or I'll... I'll... SHIT!"

_And the evil dinosaur ate him, too!_

Inside, Pikario peeked about! "What the hell?"

"Any carnage yet?" asked Chuigi.

_His question was bluntly answered as a long tongue came swishing through! _

"OH NO! WE'RE GONNA DIE!" wailed Chuigi. "And there's so much more I wanted to do with my life!"

Pikario frowned. "If that's all you're worried about, I think you'd be better off dead."

"LICKI3S 4R3 A BIG NONO!" Baby Chuigi pounded the tongue with his Hammer, making it and its owner retreat!

"At least you're good for_ something_," snorted the elder bro.

"**_SHUT UP!" _**growled the younger.

As the madness ceased, Kylie came back in. "That didn't go exactly as I planned, but I got a nice shot of that guy's pen..."

"**_Who cares?"_** Pikario interrupted. "What the heck was that thing?"

The reporter scoffed. "If you absolutely _must_ know, that was a Byob, the thing from outer space I told you about earlier."

"A Byob?"

"Doesn't that mean 'Bring your own beer'?" question the Pichu.

"Well, duh! That's how he got that name! He drinks so much beer, he grew a big beer belly and became enormous from the stuff, hence his name!"

After much though and consideration, Chuigi had this to say! "...That's stupid."

Pikario crossed his arms. "That guy's giving all good drunkards a bad name! I mean, come on! No one can drink _that _much!"

"Well apparently, he can! And if I were you, I'd leave the premises, PDQ! Gotta get this shit over to the Daily BladdityBlahBlah for my reward! ...Oh... and there's an evil Magikoopa guy over there in some house, too..." And with that, Kylie was gone!

After a moment of silence, Pikario turned to Chuigi. "...Wanna go kill that Magikoopa guy and steal his money, then say we didn't do it?"

"Sure..."

_**

* * *

**_

_And that's exactly what they did! ...Sorta! They ran into another house and caught Kamek stealing Yoshi Cookies! OH NO!_

Seeing the four, he was outraged. "Damn you! Damn you and your evil growth spurts! Why won't you leave me the hell alone? I'm only stealing cookies from the Yoshies and giving them to Prince Bowser, who is conveniently placed on the Cliff Top! Oh, shit! I shouldn't have said that!"

"What's he doing up there? Wouldn't it make more sense just to go home?" inquired the questionable Pichu.

"...No..." Kamek ran away!

* * *

_Outside, it was the Byob again! Confronting Kamek, he asked him a very important question! _

"醜いクッキーである! であるクッキー、権利か?" _4)_

"Get away from me, you big pink loser! These snacks aren't for cows like you!"

Pikario glanced out the cabin. "Hey, maybe if we're lucky, he'll eat Kamek and get him off our backs!"

"But if he does that, won't it change the future?" grudgingly put in the little bro.

"...Why do I put up with you?"

_Taking great offense to Kamek's response, the Byob decided to eat Kamek! ...Then spit him back out and run away!_

"クッキーでなかった! 私はクッキーがほしいと思う! クッキー! クッキー!" _5)_

"Oh, yeah? Well, YOUR MOM IS A COOKIE!... Fat bastard..."

_With that, he blew up a Yoshi hut and ran away...AGAIN!

* * *

_

_**HOORAY!** This segment is hereby over! But there are still so many burning questions to be answered! Will Pikario & Chuigi ever catch up with Kamek? Will Baby Pikario ever stop masturbating? Why is the Byob there? And why is he eating Yoshies, even though they're clearly not cookies? Why does he want cookies if he drinks beer so much?

* * *

_

_**Authoress' Notes:** **I SWEAR, "BOA" WILL BE UP TOMORROW!** Everything other than that, this, and **"LIUITSV"** is on a slight hiatus until further notice. _

_1) "YOUR SENSELESSNESS ENDS HERE!"_

_2) **"I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! I CAN SMELL YOUR FEAR!"**_

_3) **"YOSHIES! ME WANT YOSHIES! I AM A YOSHI!"**_

_4) "YOU'RE AN UGLY COOKIE! YOU ARE A COOKIE, RIGHT?" _

_5) "THAT WASN'T A COOKIE! I WANT COOKIES! COOKIES! COOKIES!" _


	5. Journey to the Center of the Pink Asshol

_**Authoress' Notes:** Sorry this so late. School's getting more hectic and retarded by the day... But never fear! Chapter 5 is here! Nothing else to say, so just read the damn thing already. :P

* * *

_

_**Pikario & Chuigi: Bozos in Time!**_

_**Chapter 5:** Journey to the Center of the Pink Asshole!

* * *

_

_Okay! Leaving off from last time, Pikario and the rest were in hot pursuit of Kamek towards the Cliff Top of Yoshi's Island! Eventually, they found him! _

"WHAT? You losers again! Look, I don't have any tampons, so just go away already!"

"Not until you give us back...uh... whatever you stole!" Pikario retorted, literally forgetting why they were there in the first place!

"NO!" Then, for no apparent reason, Kamek decided to set random parts of Yoshi's Island ablaze! OH, GOD SAVE THE YOSHIES!

"What the hell, dude? You know Nintendo's totally gonna sue your ass for that one!" said the oldest Pichu.

"**_I DON'T GIVE A SHIT! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"_**

_With that that very rude remark and evil laugh, he flew away!_

"Well, whadda we do now?" asked Pikario.

"Wait for a plot twist?"

"...I'd rather kill you first."

"OMFG! EYE AM SEW THRISTY!" proclaimed Baby Pikario. He then promptly walked over to a Yoshi statue that was urinating water and started drinking! ...Uh...ew...

Chuigi frowned. "Y'know, it looks like he's..."

Pikario slapped him! "SHUT UP!"

"UH OH I GOTTA GO WEEWEE!" Baby Pikario toddled over to a fire and put it out with his weewee...ing... Uh, WTF?

Then, Stuffwell appeared! "OH SWEET MERCIFUL HEAVENS ON A PIECE OF CHEESE! We can put out the fires with the little tyke's... er... FIREHOSE! HAHAHAHAHASHUTUPNOOBSHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"That was unexpected..."

Baby Chuigi was appalled. "EWW! WEREZ UR DYAPER?"

"Wouldn't it make more sense for him to drink, THEN spit it out?" asked Chuigi.

"...No."

* * *

_HUZZAH! So, Baby Pikario saved Yoshi's Island of DOOM with his little golden shower of happiness! ...I don't know whether to be disgusted or overjoyed... Well anyway, they kept on doing this crap until they got to the Cliff Top where Baby Bowser and Kamek were enjoying some delicious cookies... Or at least, Baby Bowser was..._

"Here, Lord Bowser! Have some Moo Moo Milk! It came from... an evil Miltank..."

"Did it have 6 heads, 6 udders, 6 teats and maggots for blood?"

"Well, it had 6 udders, 12 clogged arteries, and 21 teats, whereas it lost 3 of them in an accident involving a homicidal Umbreon and a piece of cheese..."

"Really? Cool! GIMME!"

"OMFG! L00K 4T t3h k00ki3S!" shouted Baby Pikario!

"P33K800! I C U!111!1!" chimed in his little brother.

"WHAT THE HELL?" gasped Baby Bowser.

"Oh crap!" Kamek hit himself in the head. "I KNEW I should've set EVERYTHING on fire for no apparent reason!"

"I bet you losers came up here to steal my cookies, **_didn't you?_**" growled the prince.

"Well, actually..." started Chuigi.

"Yeah? Well you can't have 'em because they're mine and if you take them, then I'll kick your asses all the way up and down this mountain until you know that stealing cookies from evil people should be an illegal law in the Constitution that other people shouldn't break, or they'll get their asses..."

Pikario pulled on his hair! "DUDE! SHUT UP!"

"I think your cookies are gone..." pointed the insignificant Pichu.

_OH NO! It seems out of Baby Bowser's ridiculously long and most likely drawn-out rant about evil people stealing his crappy-ass cookies, Baby Pikario and Baby Chuigi have devoured all of his precious goodies!_

"OH NO! MY COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKIES!"

"Aw, crap! Now look what you assholes did!" Kamek pushed Baby Bowser away! "Go take a walk or something! I'll have those cookies beat out of them by then!"

"...FINE!

With Baby Bowser gone, Kamek pointed his wand thingy at the gang! "YOU GUYS ALMOST COST ME MY JOB! PREPARE TO DIE!"

_**Battle Mode Start!** LOL! Look! Kamek's wearing an apron! He's a Mr. Mom!_

"I'm gonna knock you and your hairy asses back into next week!"

"Well, actually, it'd make things worse for you if you did that because we came from the future and if we go even further back into the past like this, we'll probably end up killing you with a rogue DS, or something..." explained the long-winded and usually annoying Chuigi.

The Magikoopa got pissed! **_"DON'T YOU EVER SHUT UP?"_**

_Kamek used **BROOM! IT DIDN'T WORK! **_

"Your evil broom of cleanliness is no match for our... uh..." Pikario trailed off!

_Baby Pikario used **LACK OF COMMON SENSE!** _

"ACK! I suddenly feel very compelled to do something extremely stupid and unorthodox!" twitched the blue-robed freak.

_Kamek used Random Attack That'll Spit Out Mushrooms and Sometimes Big, Spiky Balls That Can Hurt You, But It's Usually the Mushrooms! Pikario and the others were fully healed!_

"Uh, did you mean to do that?" asked Pikario, who seems unusually unorganized today!

"_**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"**_

_Chuigi used Yoshi Cookie and When I Say That, I Mean the Really, REALLY Cute One With Yoshi's Face Actually On It! Holy crap! Those things are so adorable:D_

"What the hell's a Yoshi Cookie supposed to do?" demanded his brother.

"Yoshi Cookies taste like vanilla wafers, which are **_EVIL!"_**

"Eh... Works for me..."

_**Battle Mode Completed!** OMG Kamek is such a pansy ass! That's probably why he wasn't a boss in "Yoshi's Island" because he sucks so much!_

"Ack! Maybe I should take up housekeeping..." grumbled the grounded Kamek.

"Okay, well that was easy!" said Stuffwell, appearing out of nowhere for the umpteenth time!

* * *

_**Meanwhile!**_

"DAMN IT!" the young prince cursed. "WTF? It's just a stupid dead end!"

Then Pikario showed up! "Face it, you little freak! We've got you cornered and the only way out is to commit suicide!"

Chuigi sweatdropped. "I wouldn't provoke him if I were you..."

"...Well... then... YOU ATE MY COOKIES, SO I'M GUNNA EAT YOUR STAR... THINGIES!" And so, he did!

Pikario freaked! "WHAT THE FUCK?"

Chuigi sighed. "Told ya..."

"Then we shall commence with the beatifying the crap out of him!" proclaimed Stuffwell.

_And, they did! Pikario & Chuigi grabbed Baby Bower while the babies made him watch that old crappy Super Mario Bros. movie that is nothing like the real thing! OMG!_

"No! NO! NOOOOOOOOO!" he wailed. _"ANYTHING BUT THAT! **NOOOOOOOOOO!"**_

_Meanwhile, outside the cliff, the Byob was climbing up the mountain! Why? Who knows? He just was! STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS! All of a sudden, a random UFO shot him with a laser, making him grow twice his size and allowed him to peek through at the guys up top!_

Chuigi scowled. "What the hell?"

"Ha ha! You losers are gonna get it now!" laughed the prince.

"Not if he eats you first!" snarled Pikario as he hurled him off the cliff!

"最終的に! 生命の私の残念な弁解の今度ばかりは壊れ目!" _1)_

Byob promptly ate Baby Bowser! ... Then, he went after everyone else, despite the fact they really could've run away, but then again maybe not because Baby Bowser still had the Cobalt Star in his stomach and they had to go get it!

* * *

_So, down they all went! Down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down... and finally went SPLAT!

* * *

_

_**Sometime later!**_

"**_WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!1one11#2!1"_** cried Baby Pikario!

"**_WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!11!one!1lol!"_** cried Baby Chuigi!

"**_FOR THE LOVE OF BOOZE, WILL YOU GUYS SHUT UP?"_** barked Chuigi. Then he got an idea! "Look! LOOK! I'VE GOT SOME COOKIES THAT I STOLE IN HOPES OF MAKING A PROFIT OFF THEM!"

"OOH! OOH!" Baby Pikario pulled on his bro. "W33GI! L00K! EETZ K00KI3S!"

"K00KIE$?" Baby Chuigi perked up. "I WUNT SUM K00KI3Z!"

Then, Pikario woke up! "What're you still doing with those things?"

"...They shut the brats up, didn't they?"

And, of course, Stuffwell appeared! "OMG! ARE WE INSIDE A STRIPPER?"

"No, just that big, pink, son-of-a-bitch Byob..."

"Then, I propose we escapify before flatulence has havoc on our vulnerable little bodies!"

* * *

**_Really_** _not wanting to get caught up in nasty, stinky Byob fart (and still having to find the star shards, despite the fact that everyone's pretty much forgotten about them...), the guys eventually ended up in an upper room/organ, seeing a Yoshi trying to push a giant Chomp Rock down a hole! _

Pikario observed the Yoshi, then asked, "What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm tying to push this super big rock down the hole! If it rolls, then we can get out of here! But..." the Yoshi paused. "It's too big! I can't push it all by myself!"

Chuigi ran over and kicked a Yellow Yoshi on the floor! "Get up, lazyass! Pull your weight and help roll this thing!"

"I can't... too hungry... Need fruit..."

Chuigi clicked his gun! "Either get up and help, or prepared to be pwn3d!"

The Yoshi leapt up in fear! "OKAY! OKAY! **_SORRY!_** Geez! I'm going!"

"I think we should try and findify the other Yoshies in here so we can push this giant rock, _which randomly came out of **NOWHERE**_, down that hole!" said you-know-who!

"...To hell with that," Pikario scowled.

_Taking out his .38, he shot the Chomp Rock's bottom, making the whole thing tilt over and roll down the hole!_

"Well, that was easy," said Yoshi.

"Can I get some fruit now?"

"But what about the other Yoshies?"

"_What_ about the other Yoshies?"

_Just then, about 6 or 7 Yoshies came running out, all looking either very nervous or very embarrassed!_

"Okay! Okay! WE'RE SORRY!" They all confessed. "You didn't have to come looking for us and practically break your necks trying to free us all from our conveniently-placed traps and predicaments! We just wanted some attention!"

Pikario pointed his gun down the hole! **"GET YOUR ASSES DOWN THERE!"

* * *

**

_The Chomp Rock in the Byob goes 'round and 'round! Everybody ran down after the Chomp Rock, not taking note of the Evil Egg Factory on the way! Unfortunately, the Chomp Rock came to a dead end and everyone was puzzled on what to do next!_

_Pikario and the others went into another room/organ in hopes of locating the exit, but soon came across a nerdy-looking Shroomish talking to a bunch of deformed Eggs!_

"Don't you worry, Eggs! I don't know how the hell I got in here, or why on earth I'm talking to you but, by boogery, I'll get you outta here!"

"By boogery! My name's Shroombert and I have no idea where I am, nor what I've been doing for the past 15 days!"

"If you don't know what you've been doing for the past 15 days, then how do you know you don't know what you've been doing for the past 15 days?" asked our irritatingly profound little Pichu.

Shroombert went into hysterics! **_"OH NO! THE IMAGE! IT'S BAAAAAAAAAACK!"_**

"Way to go, Chuigi! You gave him a concussion!" scolded Pikario.

"_What?_ It's not my fault what he says doesn't make a damn bit of sense!"

"Hey, wait! I do remember this!" Shroombert pulled out a crappy drawing and let Pikario see it. "It's something I drew, but I don't know when or why!"

"If you don't know when or why you drew it, then how do you know _you _drew it?"

Pikario threw his sibling across the room! ...Er, organ/body part! **_"SHUT UP!"_**

Baby Pikario took a look at the drawing. "LOL, T#!$ l00k$ R33LY FUNNY! B00T U DR4W B4D!1 U SUX0RZ11!one"

Picking up the drawing, Pikario scowled at it. "Yeah, man... I mean... what the fuck's going on in here?"

"I know!" pointed Chuigi. "They must be having sex! See, that's the lady... thing and she must be holding some sort of... star-shaped Viagra! And the other thing is her evil... uh... house woman, come home to seduce her, because she's been a bad girl and hasn't paid her taxes!"

Pikario put away the drawing. "Do you at least know where the exit is?"

"NO!" barked the Shroomish. "DIDN'T I JUST SAY I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM OR HOW I GOT IN HERE? ...But there _is_ this evil monster guarding some eggs back there! Maybe if you defeat him, he'll cook you a soufflé!"

* * *

_Well, everybody loves soufflés, so Pikario and the rest went to fight the evil monster thingy, which turned out to be an evil Shroomishroob–like Chansey! ...Wow... didn't see that one coming..._

_**私のはのために死ぬべきである**__1) _It laughed.

Chuigi heaved a sigh. "...Not again..."

"T#ESE 3GG$ L00K L!K3 P00!1" frowned Baby Chuigi.

"Yeah, no kidding," Pikario agreed.

**_何か。侮辱を私の調理敢えてするか。恐れなさい私の高いコレステロール、ろくでなし_** _2)_ Enraged, the Chansey threw an Egg at Shroobert, who'd just entered the room/organ!

"_WHO AM I? **WHERE AM I?"**_

Then Baby Bowser popped out of the Egg! "DAMN IT! GET ME OUTTA HERE! IT SMELLS LIKE POO AND I'M MISSING MY COOKIE TIME!"

"**WILL YOU JUST FORGET ABOUT THOSE FRIGGING COOKIES?"** Pikario spat.

_**Battle Mode Start!** Would you like your eggs sunny side up, sunny side down, or sunny side **I'M GONNA KICK YOUR SCRAWNY LITTLE ASS?** _

"Dude," Chuigi brought to everyone's attention. "We're fighting a motherfucking egg... Why are we fighting a motherfucking egg?"

"It's really not an egg, but an evil, transsexual Chansey! I suggest we fryify it before it does that action on us!" suggested Stuffwell.

_Baby Chuigi used **FRYING PAN!** It didn't work because Sunnycide is a **hardboiled** egg!_

"_**HAHAHAHAHA! **__**決して破壊しないコレステロールを**__3)_

_Sunnycide used **EGG! IT DIDN'T WORK!**_

"Maybe we should attack the Eggs first," said Chuigi.

Pikario shrugged. "Probably. RPG boss battles are always so damn complicated..."

_Pikario used Potato Salad on the Eggs, causing them to hatch into Yoshies!_

"WE'RE FREE! WE'RE FREE!" they shouted, running away!

"Okay..."

Chuigi looked around. "Was that supposed to happen?"

_Sunnycide used **TIME FOR BED!** Oh no! The lights went out!_

"You see what I mean?" Pikario threw his arms up. "What the hell is that crap?"

_Chuigi used Common Sense!_

"And since when were there lights in here?"

_Sunnycide's **TIME FOR BED** attack didn't work! So, Sunnycide used **PULL CORD**...uh... **THINGY! THAT ALSO DIDN'T WORK!**_

Pikario frowned. "Okay, this is just getting way too weird."

_And it's about to get even weirder, because Baby Chuigi used Flashlight! OMG! It's a Boo! **IT RAN AWAY WITH SOME PANTYHOSE!**_

Baby Bowser sweatdropped from the sidelines! Even HE didn't know what was going on! "...WTF?"

_Suddenly, the Yoshies from earlier used SALT! It poured all over Sunnycide, thus, defeating him! ...I mean, her! ...It! ...um...**GO AWAY!**_

_**Battle Mode Completed!** Wow... exactly what have you guys at Nintendo been smoking?_

"Glad that's over..." said Pikario, sighing.

"Can we go home now?" nagged Chuigi.

Shroobert threw all the eggs out the exit that was now open! "NOW WE REALLY ARE FREE! H00R4Y!"

"H00R4Y!" shouted the inexplicable 8,495,957,493,038 Yoshies that were also trapped inside the Byob as they ran out, with Shroobert following!

"But if we go out this way, won't we be going out his..."

Pikario thrust the babies out and kicked Chuigi! "Yes, but at this point, I DON'T CARE!"

_Yes, ladies and gentlemen! They DID fall out of the Byob's asshole! OMFG! I think Nintendo had reached a new low! Oh well... At there weren't any remnants of... nevermind... forget I said that...

* * *

_

_**Meanwhile! Back on Yoshi's Island of DOOM!**_

"Thank you for saving us!" said a pink Yoshi!

"Yeah, thanks!" added a yellow Yoshi!

"You're our bestest best friend!" smiled a blue Yoshi!

"That's right!" Baby Bowser gobbled up all the cookies. "I'M the winner! ME! MWAHAHAHAHA...URK!"

His laughing was cut short as he spit up the star shards! The Yoshies were amazed!

"Ooh! Look! MAGIC!"

"Do it again! Do it again!"

"Pull an Azumarill out next time!"

"Bleh!" Baby Bowser wiped his mouth. 'That thing was nasty anyway!"

_Not liking this critique at all, the star shards struck back with a vengeance and sent the Koopa prince flyin'! _

"Wow!" the stupid Yoshies were also impressed by this! "Look! He can even fly!"

"Well, you guys can too, when you become Charizards!" said Shroobert. "Also, that weirdo was a fraud! These are the real heroes... I think..."

"Ohh..."

"Wow..."

"Really?"

"Yeah," said Shroobert. "Really. I think..."

"Okay..."

**_...AWKWARD SILENCE TIME!

* * *

_**

_Not long afterwards, Pikario and... everyone else went back through time again, hoping to forget that any of the previous every happened! As far as they were concerned, it was all just a bad dream that resulted from a hangover that resulted from an awful, awful night of binge drinking...

* * *

_

_**Authoress' Notes:** I ask you, WTF is up with Sunnycide anyway? Meh. I've seen worse... Any guesses on who the homicidal Umbreon Kamek was talking about is? She was in the last **"P&C"**, you know... _

_1) "FINALLY! A BREAK FOR ONCE IN MY SORRY EXCUSE FOR A LIFE!"_

_2)** "MY SOUFFLES ARE TO DIE FOR!" **_

_3) **"WHAT? YOU DARE INSULT MY COOKING? FEAR MY HIGH CHOLESTEROL, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"**_

_4) **"HAHAHAHAHA! YOU WILL NEVER DESTROY CHOLESTEROL!"**_


	6. The Unholy and Very Disturbing Secert of

_**Authoress' Notes:** Been hard to update lately because my damn computer keeps messing up, but here you go, nonetheless.

* * *

_

_**Pikario & Chuigi: Bozos in Time!**_

_**Chapter 6:** The Unholy and Very Disturbing Secert of the Koopatorivm!_

_

* * *

_

_Once they were back in their own time, Pikario and the others went straight to E. Gadd to tell him the great news of the Cobalt Shards' recovery!_

"Big freaking deal!" he spat. "So, you got them back? WHOOPDIE DOO! You shouldn't have lost them in the first place, then we wouldn't have to be going through all this crap, now would we?"

"Sheesh," Chuigi shrugged. "At least we got 'em... Can't you just give us _some_ credit?"

"SHUT UP! Anyway, while you assholes were gone, another Time Hole opened up and it leads to Shroomishroob Castle!"

"What the hell is that?"

"A CASTLE INHABITED BY SHROOMISHROOBS! **_WHAT ELSE COULD IT POSSIBLY BE?" _**

"And according to my sensors, it's actually Peach's Castle turned all upside down by these aliens!" said Stuffwell.

Gadd sweatdropped. "Yeah, that too..."

"So, then let's go there, kill the Shroomishroobs and save the castle like that!" said the Pikachu.

"We can't do that yet because you idiots still need the rest of the Cobalt Star to get in!"

"What the hell? That doesn't make any sense!" Chuigi scratched his head. "If the stupid Cobalt Star was your source of power traveling through time, then why is it the only way of getting into this dumb castle? It has nothing to do with the Shroomishroobs, the castle... anything! We don't even know where you got it from!"

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT!" Gadd barked, as he kicked them all out!

* * *

_Chuigi's got a thing going there! Why _do _we need the Cobalt Star to get into the castle, despite the fact that it has nothing to do with the damn thing whatsoever? Seriously, Nintendo... WTF? Anyhow, the guys took Gadd's advice and went out on the front lawn to see Young and Old Shroomsworth_ still_ trying to entertain Baby Peach!_

"U GUYZ SUX0R!1 D!S !S S0 B000000000RING! Eye wunna LOLLYPOP!111one!"

"Please, Your Highness! Calm down!" pleaded Old Shroomsworth as he and his younger self formed a ball. "Look! Look! You see? We're having a ball now! Hmm? Get it? A _ball?"_

"That has to be the lamest cliché I have ever heard..." grumbled Young Shroomsworth. "You and I both know this 'ball' thing is more related to the..."

"SILENCE! The princess cannot bear to hear such words!"

Young Shroomsworth paused for a moment, looked around, then blurted out, "...testicles..."

"_**HEY!"**_

"Now, what's this all about?" asked Chuigi.

"Oh, great! The horny Pichu is here! Throw him onto Peach so I can get off this thing already!"

"**_WHAT?"_** Old Shroomsworth was apalled!

"Sure, whatever..." Chuigi sat Baby Pikario next to Baby Peach.

"HI!" said Baby Pikario.

"HI. LOL :)" squeaked Baby Peach.

"do u liek cheeeese?"

"YES:)"

Young Shroomsworth rolled his eyes. "This isn't working!"

"I AM NO LONG3R BOR3D FOR N0 4PP4ERNT R3ASON! L4DD3RS M4K3 H4PPY!" laughed Baby Peach.

Chuigi sweatdropped. "WTF?"

"Now we shall inexplicably teach you the Bros. Ball move and don't you dare make any inappropriate jokes about this because it is definantly not that funny and you shouldn't be laughing at such serious matters, especially for the the sake of the babies!" lectured Old Shroomsworth.

**_...AWKWARD SILENCE TIME!_** ...Until Chuigi just HAD to say...

"I guess we're gonna have a ball, huh?"

* * *

_**THAT IS NOT FUNNY! I HAVEN'T SEEN SUCH A CRAPPY ATTEMPT TO MAKE A JOKE SINCE 4KIDS ENTERTAINMENT STARTED DUBBING ANIME!** ...Anyway, after enduring 17 hours of ball jokes and actually learning how to do the move, everyone went to try it out on some... lever... thing... that led them down to the pipes, where Pikario spotted a strange-looking red thing walking away!_

"What was that?"

"Maybe it was a prostitute!" Pikario proposed. "The ones around here usually wear red like that! Chuigi, quick! How much money do you have right now?"

"...Do I look like a banking account to you?"

Pikario ignored him and ran off! "Fine, Mr. I-Take-You-To-One-Stripping-Club-And-You-Ask-The-Lady-On-The-Pole-To-Take-Off-Her-Shoes!"

"**THEY WERE A LIMITED EDITION OF THE DRAGONAIRFLARE SHOE LINE!"** he called out after him. **_"DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THOSE THINGS COST?"_**

_In another room of the sewers, Pikario and the babies saw the red thing go through a barred pipe!_

Pikario gave them some money. "Hey, you guys use those stupid Hammer things that you have and we don't to chase that whore! Tell her I only got 5, okay?"

Baby Pikario smiled. "OK!"

Baby Chuigi was confused. "WHAT?"

_After telling them the plan exactly 364 times, Pikario threwthe babies over to the pipe, where they went underground to chase the red-cloaked thing! They did thisuntil they arrived at a... badge shop?_

"I HAVE... PINEAPPLES!" The object shouted, noting they were there.

"OOH, PINE4PPLE$?"

"I LIEK PINE4PPL3$! W3R3 AR3 DEY?" Baby Pikario looked for them.

"They are not here, for I was simply lying!"

"O RLY?" asked the younger brother.

"Yes!" The figure threw his cloak off, revealing himself to be Fawful, wearing... a spandex suit? "Now, behold! For I have inexplicably turned myself into a Snorunt!"

"Y?" was Baby Pikario's question.

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"UR SILLY :)!" laughed Baby Chuigi.

"I may have the silliness, but I also have the lonliness which is why I have the silliness! It is all a pitiful cycleness of which I have no control over because I, Fawful of the greatness, have experienced the agony of defeatness far too many times!"

_The babies, completely speechless, looked at one another in confusion!_

"When I was living in that other kingdom of undoomingness, Fawful was happy and very not uncool with Cackletta the Umbreon, but she was killed twice and did not come a third time, thankingness to me because I was incapable of doing so because I was defeated by the evils of Piakrio and the the emerald-colored one, who I'm 100 percent positive you are not related to! Now, we lived in the school of evilness and taught the crazy Laser Snifits who lived there, but they were stupid and we were needing the moneyness to eat, so I came here and I cannot get back because I lost my green card, therefore, I started this badge shop for all the stupid Goombas to go to and buybeans for fartingso I can go back home and bring Cackletta that loaf of bread I've been meaning to give her for the last 3 years!"

"I H4V3 a been RIGHT HE4R!" Baby Pikario pulled one out. "I FOUND IT SUMWHEERE ONE TYME B00T I DONT' NO WHEREE!1"

Fawful took the bean! "For that, I shall tell you that your questingness will now lead you to a world filled with cheese and poridge! I don't know how I knew that, or why I am the telling to you, but I sure hope it helps!"

**"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"** was the response to that.

* * *

_Okay, now how the hell did Fawful know that, I mean REALLY! Nintendo, get your rears in gears and think of betted plot holes! Sheesh! Nonetheless, the tots told their older selves this and Pikario punched Chuigi in the face for no apparent reason! Forcing the local Shroomishes to carry them up the stairs, they all reached theplace Fawful was talking about and randomly decided to commit suicide by jumping off the balcony! ...Just kidding. They only jumped into the Time Hole. XD

* * *

_

**_GritzNCheese Desert: Circa 20 Years Ago!_**

**WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!** _Just like that, everyone was whisked away to the cheese-colored land of the GritzNCheese Desert, where everyone survives on the sand, which is actually the yummiest combination of grits and cheese the world has ever come to know! YAY! There was also some wierd-looking... museum thing not to far in the distance!_

"So, I guess we start looking in that strange museum over there?" asked Chuigi.

All of a sudden, Stuffwell appeared! "I HEARD A STUPID QUESTION, THEREFORE, I SHALL DAZZLE YOU WITH MY PROFOUND SMARTNESS!"

Pikario frowned. "And where have _you_ been for the last 20 hours?"

"DON'T ASK _ME_ STUPID QUESTIONS!"

_**...AWKWARD SILENCE TIME!**_ Okay, this is getting repetitive...

* * *

_Anyway, Stuffwell explained the museum was actually some place called the Koopatorivm and was very evil unless you were able to improvise on the spot and knew the answer to every question you were ever asked! Common sense told them to enter through the front door!_

_...Lack of common sense failed to tell them it was overrun with Shroomishroobs, who proceeded in chasing them away!_

"Whatever happened to sneaking in the backway like we always do when we steal stuff, Pikario?" Chuigi demanded as they ran. "I thought we always did that, so what the hell?"

"Like that actually applies when you're planning on going to a museum full of aliens! Shut up, already!"

_The brothers and the babies ran and hid behind and a giant spoon dug in the grits until the aliens were stupid enough to believe they'd gone the other way!_

"...Well, that was close," said the Pichu, coming out.

_Pikario promptly tossed him and the babies at a Shroomishroob lacking behind the others, thus beginning the crazy drug-induced antics of Chuigi, Baby Chuigi, Baby Pikario, and Jen Taylor!_

"Meh, I've heard worse excuses to drink," he commented, popping a cold one.

_All of a sudden, Kylie popped out of the grits!_

"Mmm mmm mmm! Damn, this stuff is good! I never get tried of doing that!"

"Just shut up and tell me what the hell you're doing here," grumbled the Pikachu.

"Fine!" Kylie scoffed, popping up. "I came to tell you about the secret of the Koopatorivm and how to get in there!"

"And that is..."

"...To tell you truth, I really don't know..."

"Well, that's just great..."

"But I _do_ know it has something to do with the giant Cubone statues around here! You hafta do something that makes something happen so that you can go in... and do something!"

Pikario sweatdropped. "Wow..."

"And with that, FAREWELL!" And she disappeared!

Then, Chuigi came running up! "Dude, did you not just see me back there? It was like freakin' World War II!"

"Stop trying to destroy my brain with the evil power of Social Studies! We have to get into the Koopatorivm!"

"And how do you suppose we do that?"

Pikario thought and thought and thought until he finally had an idea! "I know! IMPROVISION!"

Chuigi sweatdropped. "...Ah, should've known..."

* * *

_So, Pikario decided to use IMPROVISION, as he was clueless as to what else he was supposed to do! He and the others improvised and improvised until they just couldn't pretend they knew what they were doing anymore! By that time, Chuigi had noticed a secret entrance on top of the Koopatorivm that they could only enter with, you guessed it: IMPROVISION! ...Then, were all inside the building and stuff... And they also saw Kylie there, too! What a surprise! _

"Hey, you two!" she called upon seeing them."I never thought you'd make it in here so fast! I bet you didn't even go near those Cubone statues, didja?"

"Yeah, no thanks to you," retorted Pikario. "We all had to improvise to get in here and even then, we found out that common sense was what we really needed!"

Kylie shrugged. "Yeah sure, but who uses that anyway?"

"...She's got got a point," whispered Chuigi.

_"HOW DARE YOU PATRONIZE **ME?"**_ Pikario growled, kicking his brother across the room!

"Anyway," Kylie went on. "I dug up more dirt on the Shroomishroobs and their dastardly plan is much worse than I thought! IT'S TREMENDOUS! ...But good for a Grade A scoop!"

"Whatever. A ball of lint is a good scoop for you. So a bunch of Shroomishroobs invaded a museum; big deal. They're probably trying to take over the world with the evil power of standing in line for field trips, or something."

"Oh, Yeah? Well, look through these conviently-placed, flashing windows and see what I mean!"

_Pikario felt like enjoying a cheap thrill, Chuigi was currently unconscious, and the babies wouldn't remember any of this, so he did! And guess what he saw! ...It was the Shroomishroobs and they were having a rock concert, complete with Battle of the Bands, body paintings, obnoxious yelling, and smashing things into other things on-stage! It was like Woodstock all over again!_

"Holy crap!" he voiced. "This is an outrage!"

"Yeah!" agreed Kylie. "It's just plain awful!"

"You got that right! I mean, where's the carnage? Where're the random, carbon monoxide explosions? **WHERE ARE THE OCCASIONAL, FIRE-INDUCED BLACKOUTS?"**

Kylie sweatdropped! "...You have GOT to be kidding me..."

Chuigi, who just happened to come to, pointed out something on the center stage. "Not to mention that crazy-ass Shroomishroob lady's outfit. Pink and purple at a rock concert? Not a good way to go..."

Pikario sent him flying into the wall, all the while yelling, _"KEEP YOUR BIAS FASHION ATTIRE OPINIONS TO YOURSELF!"__

* * *

Regardless of that, Chuigi was right AND important for once! Princess Shroomishroob had appeared on-stage with a mic and looked ready to say something! _

**"フットボールの準備ができているか?"** _1)_ she shouted, quite loudly!

...Crickets chirped in the audience until someone in the back said, "私は及び非常に写実的で、サディスト的な方法で無慈悲に分割されて!" ことを私達が王女を激しく見ることの行く取得病気及び歪んだ喜びだったことを考えた!" _2)_

"オハ..." the princess sweatdropped. "井戸は... 私は私達がを余りにすることがで... それ推測するそう、見なさい!" _3)_

_The audience cheered as Peach was brought in, tied to an extremely long and unorthodox rope because the Authoress is too lazy to go back and look for the right kind of mechanism term!_

"Yay! This is fun! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again!" she squealed, rocking back and forth like an ignoramus!

Princess Shroomishroob was obviously not pleased with this. "とこの瞬間停止しなさい!ために仮定されるいまし!" _4)_

"Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Do it again!" she continued!

"アンペア時は、これと性交する! ちょうど彼女を既に殺す! 皆は彼下がるあなた自身の利点ために醉っ...ている運命のトラップ! _**MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" **5)_

_All of a sudden, as if on some crazy, random subplot's level, Petey Piranha jumped out of a giant, sand-filled pipe and ate Peach! OMFG! THAT'S HORRIBLE! And yet the Shroomishroobs were laughing their little, purple heads off... Whether it was the effects of the alcohol or seeing an idiotic Raichu get eaten by a giant, mouthless Cradily that struck their funny bone was undetermined..._

_

* * *

_

Back in the upper balcony or wherever the hell they where, Chuigi sweatdropped. "Somehow, I kinda knew something retarded like that was gonna happen..."

Pikario picked his ear. "Yeah, no kidding."

Kylie seemed more uptight than anyone in the entire room! "Aren't you guys in the least worried about Peach? She just got EATEN by a giant PIRANHA PLANT and that doesn't phase you at all?"

Pikario moved on to picking his nose. "Not really..."

"Yeah," added his brother. "Shit like this happens all the time and I knew this wouldn't be an exception, especially due to the fact that we actually _stayed_ here to watch... whatever the hell that just was..."

The reported sweatdropped. "You guys are full of balloon juice..."

_Just then, Kylie found herself haphazardly and inexplainably captured and carried away by a horde of Shroomishroobs!_ **_WHAT A PLOT TWIST! _**

"Gah! Damn it! What the hell?" she stuggled. "Don't just stand there; help me out here!"

Pikario pulled out a beer! "...I don't feel like it..."

"What he said..." Chuigi paused. "...but with more 'I-don't-give-a-damn'..."

_And so, Kylie was carried away! THANK GOD FOR THAT! Things were starting to get boring around here! Now that she's gone, madness can ensue! **And veal cutlets!**_

"NOW WUT WE d00?1" asked Baby Chuigi, who's been unusually quiet lately!

"What else? Crash the party, take all their beer, storm the stage, and swipe their guitars!" Pikario laughed maniacally!

"...And save the princess?"

Pikario slammed Chuigi into the ground! **_"...WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO GET IN MY WAY WITH YOUR ASS TALK?" _****_

* * *

_**

_Well, that was very stupid and pointless! Just like the Board of Education! Regardless, Pikario, Chuigi, and the babies had to walk around the Koopatorivm, while repeatedly jumping on top of each other, throwing someone across the room, bouncing around on randomly-placed pogo sticks, or making very awful and offensive jokes about balls and how they roll! No one knows how, but they evenutally got to the stage, while Princess Shroomishroob was singing some horribly-fashioned Japanese song that's no one's ever heard of! Upon seeing the brothers, she freaked!_

"何か。ちょっと、曲芸師の後まで にあるた**めに仮 **定されない! 彼 を使用しようと していた今回!"_ 6)_

"I don't understand what you're saying, therefore, you suck!" pointed out Pikario, totally catching the princess off-guard!

"これは非道である!" spat the princess, grabbing a drink from a random Shroomishroob servant, as she wanted to forget this whole thing was happening ASAP! "それはそれである! カルヴァリーで呼ぶ時間! 酔った の私のばかばかしく激しい非道は続き、私が影の女王が付いている高等学校に行ったので私を停止することができない! **HAHAHAHAHAHA!" **_7)_

Chuigi then asked the question that a lot of people probably already have on their lips, and for a good reason, too!

"...What?"

_Princess Shroomishroob then ordered a giant Swalot with a lollipop in his mouth to come up on-stage! Not only did he arrive quickly, but he did it in STYLE, swinging byon another extremely long and unorthodox rope because the Authoress is too lazy to go back and look for the right kind of term, whatever it may be! Landing, he promptly threwhis lollipopat Chuigi!_

"DUDE! WHAT THE HELL? I MEAN, REALLY?" fumed the annoyed Pichu.

**"MWAHAHAHA!** あなたがおそらく!"でない水の近くになかったらあなたがあなたの手を離れて得_**ることができない私のキャンデーの伝染性の味、カロリー、および粘着性がある残余の力を恐れなさい!"** 8)_

Pikario got into a fighting stance! "Don't make me take that thing and stick it up your ass, man!"

"MWAHAHAHA! 私はある、従って私にないろばが!" _9) _taunted the Swalot, as he pulled another candy stick from his disgusting mouth!

"Curses! He's right!"

"WTF?" Chuigi did a double take."I thought you just said couldn't understand them!"

And then, Stuffwell appeared out of nowhere! "It's something called 'accusation', you big,dumb loser! And now, you must fight this even bigger, dumber loser because the plot is seriously going nowhere!"

**_Battle Mode Start!_** _OH NOES! THE BRAT WON'T SHARE HIS CANDY! AND THE PLOT IS LOSING ORIGINALITY!_

"That's not candy!" shouted Chuigi. "I bet it's some kind of crystal meth he's trying to sneak into Nintendo and ruin their business with drug corruption!"

Pikario kicked him out of the way!** "NOBODY CARES!"**

_Shroomiswalot Brat used **LOLLIPOP!** EAT 3 OF THESE AND YOU'LL BE BOUNCIN' OFF THE WALLS FOR DAYS!_

Baby Pikario grabbed the lollipop and licked it, only to scowl in disgust! "3WW! TH!$ SHTUFF IS N4StY! EYE DUN WANIT NO M0R3!"

_Baby Pikario used UNSATISFIED BABY CUSTOMER! That makes it 10 times worse, since he's a baby!** IT DIDN'T WORK!**_

"私はそう容易に行っていない! 投票している私は今ごまかす、民主党及び共和国を使用しての力!" _10)_

_Shroomiswalot Brat used PUBLIC VOTING! The audience said GREEN! Then RED! Then... YOSHI ROX? WTF?_

The Shroomiswalot Brat sweatdropped! "もの... は何でも..." _11) _

He threw a lollipop at Pikario, who dodged it! He also succeeded in enraging the crowd, who decided to start throwing trash at him, mostly because they were too drunk to know what the hell was going on!

"Quick! Now's our chance!" advised the suitcase.

_Chuigi used Healthy Vegetables! EAT 3 OF THESE AND YOU'RE SURE TO BE ON A ONE-WAY TRIP TO YUCKYLAND!_

The Shroomiswalot Brat was pissed! "オーケー、今してしまったそれを!" _12)_

_Shroomiswalot Brat used PUBLIC VOTING! The audience said RED! Then RED! Then GREEN! Then... BAMBI IZ KEWL?_

"人それを失った! それを一緒に得なさい! 作っている私を失う!" _13)_

_Baby Chuigi used MILK! CANDY'S WORST ENEMY! IT MISSED!_

"Well, he _is _a baby, you know," shurgged Chuigi.

Pikario whaled on him! _**"THAT'S NOT AN EXCUSE!"**_

_Shroomiswalot Brat used POISONOUS LOLLIPOP! It melted in puddle of its own acid, so **IT DIDN'T WORK!**_

_The drunk audience used **GIANT HOMEMADE SIGNS WITH INTELLIGIBLE LANGUAGE ON IT!** The Shroomiswalot Brat was pwned by market welfare!_

Pikario was really confused. "Wha...?"

"I don't think they meant to do that..." said his little bro.

Stuffwell kicked Pikario in the head! "YOU ALL SUCK! Of course they didn't! They're too drunk! They probably think they just killed you! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Oh," was the collective response, even from the babies!

_**Battle Mode Completed!** Who knows what's going on here? I sure don't! XD_

The Shroomiswalot Brat popped up and ran away! "これを忘れなさい! 王女は、私を許す、私は私ために生命' 走らなければならない! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" _14)_

"いまいましい! その人はよいお金、余りにだった! それのために、死ぬ!" _15)_ growed the princess, as she **_ominously pushed an evil button on an evil remote control!_**

_**BOOM!** The floor was quickly filled millions of drunk Shroomishroobs and their malfunctioning lasers!_

Pikario sweatdropped. "Aw, crap..."

"Now would be a good time to _**RUN,**_ maybe?" suggested Stuffwell.

_**TOO LATE!**_ _Shroomishroob lasers flew in every direction, eventually blowing up the floor and sending everybody **STRAIGHT TO HELL! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! **It seems that Pikario and others are falling and falling with no hopes of escape! Will they survive? And how? Who really cares? I sure don't, because I've already beaten the game and I know all the answers to these questions, while most of you don't!_

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes:** In case you didn't notice, the Koopatorivm is a real site. Although, I don't recommend anyone going there unless their can liberate or soul or have little or no common sense at all... XD _

_1) **"ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?"**_

_2) "I thought we were gonna take sick and twisted pleasure in watching the princess violently and ruthlessly dismembered in a very graphic and sadistic way!"_

_3) "Oh... Well... I guess we can do that too... SO, THEN BEHOLD!"_

_4) "Stop that this instant! You're supposed to be ruing this, damn you!"_

_5) "Ah, fuck this! Let's just kill her already! Everybody get drunk for your own benefits while she is lowered into... THE TRAP OF DOOM! **MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"**_

_6) "What the hell? Hey, you're not supposed to be up here until **after** the jugglers! They were going to use chainsaws this time!"_

_7) "This is an outrage! That's it! Time to call in the calvary! My ridiculous violent outrage of drunken servants shall continue and you cannot stop me because I went to high school with the Shadow Queen! **HAHAHAHAHAHA!"**_

_8) "MWAHAHAHA! Fear the power of my candy's contagious flavor, calories, and **STICKY RESIDUE THAT YOU CAN'T GET OFF YOUR HANDS UNLESS YOU'RE NEAR SOME WATER, WHICH YOU PROBABLY AREN'T!"**_

_9) "MWAHAHAHA! Am I a Swalot, therefore, I don't have an ass!"_

_10) "I'm not going down so easily! I shall now cheat, using the powers of Democratic and Republic voting!"_

_11) "Eh... whatever..."_

_12) "Ack! All right, now you've done it!"_

_13) "You guys've lost it! Get it together! You're making me lose here!"_

_14) "Forget this! Princess, please excuse me, but I must run for my friggin' life! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_

_15) "DAMN! That guy was good money, too! For that, you will die!"_


	7. Petey Piranha's Steady Descent into Madn

_**Authoress' Notes:** Sorry for not updating on this for such a long time._ _**"BOA"** got its time in the spotlight, but now, Pikario and friends are back! Okay, enjoy!_

* * *

_**Pikario & Chuigi: Bozos in Time!**_

_**Chapter 7:** Petey Piranha's Steady Descent into Madness!_

* * *

_After falling about 3,294,830 feet into the floor, the brothers wake up, only to realize they've **GONE TO HELL! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!** _

_...Oh, wait. No, they didn't They're just in some dumbass cave with lotsa cool Piranha Plant statues in the background. Meh._

"What is this place?"

"Some dumbass cave with lotsa cool Piranha Plant statues in the background?" asked Chuigi.

Pikario glared at him. "Could you be a little more specific and less unoriginal?"

"No and maybe, if I feel like it."

The Pikachu rolled his eyes. "...I don't have time for this! That retard Petey must be down here somewhere and I intend to find him, kick his ass, find Peach, kick YOUR ass, then maybe go home and play some loud, obnoxious music."

His brother sweatdropped. "For someone who hasn't paid his income taxes in over 10 years, you sure do like to plan things out."

Pikario promptly planted him into the ground! "SILENCE IS GOLDEN!"

Then, Stuffwell appeared out of nowhere like he always does, the little bitch. "YOU TWO HAVE NO SENSIFYING OF DIRECTION, WHATSOEVER! It's obvious to see that we are now inside the GritzNCheese Caves! The ground could've told you that! So, let's just findify Petey and his lingerie and get the heckiness outta here!"

* * *

_Wow, what wise words of advice! ...Okay, not really. Anyways, they went through the weirdo Piranha Plant caves, running into the super-cute-Paper-Mario-2-exclusive-until-now Dark-Boos-that-I'm-glad-made-a-return, who made a really cool cameo, some freaky, but kickass Snifaroes who planned on flying to the moon and painting their faces on it, and the evil, dumbass Boom Guys! After that, they happened to run into Kylie, who was just about to be fed to the big pansy himself by a pair of Shroomishroobs!_

"Hey, look! It's that girl whose name I can't remember because she's not very important to the plot!" said Chuigi.

"Guys!" she squealed. "Lend a girl a hand? I promise I won't expose those pictures of you on the net if ya save me!"

Pikario was outraged. "WHAT pictures?"

"Um... The ones where you look really cool and tres sexy?"

"...Have fun in Purgatory!"

_The Shroomishroobs cut her rope in half and Petey ate her! Oops! Then he dug underground, not to be seen, mentioned, or heard of again for the next 5 lines, or so!_

"0HE$ NO3s. L00KS LI3K SH3S DINNA!" said Baby Pikario.

"Ah, whatever. She was annoying anyway," scoffed Chuigi. "Let's keep going."_

* * *

_

_OH, CRAP! Kylie better be glad Petey ate her, as Pikario & Chuigi have no real reason to save her ass! Following a bit of crap, fighting, arguments, and a REALLY retarded ball race where Pikario just ended up knocking out a Sandshrew, the four finally arrived in a room with a single block over a pipe full of sand!_

"Well, Petey isn't in here," sighed Chuigi. "Maybe he already went back wherever the hell he came from in the first place."

"Tauros crap!" growled Pikario, stomping over to the block. "He has to be around here somewhere! Knowing Nintendo, he'd probably be conveniently hiding in here until we did something insignificant to bring him out!"

Then, the valise appeared! "And I suppose this block is just here for showifying to all who see it?"

_All of a sudden, Baby Chuigi randomly bounced off Chuigi's head because for a split second, he though maybe CANDY was in that box and if hit it, it'd all belong to him! But alas, his naive, 2-year-old mind failed him miserably, as everybody was knocked back by the entrance of none other than Petey Piranha!_

"GRR! MUH NAME'S PETEY PEERANAH AND EYE DON'T TOLARATE YOU PEOPLE COMIN' 'ROUND HERE ON UNCHARTED TERRATORAH!"

Chuigi held his nose. "Dude... A breath mint can go a long way... A very, _very _long way for you."

_Petey responded to this by eating the empty box above his head for no apparent reason! Confused at the lack of blood and organs gushing through his mouth, he spit it out, making a crack in the back wall after it bounced around the room for about 10 minutes!_

Pikario sweatdropped. "...I'm not even gonna ask."

"WUT A CHEEP SHOT!" he snarled. "TRICKIN' SOMEBODAH LIKE DAT! NOW YOUSE GUNNA PAY JUS LIEK DAT GURL DID EARELR! ...EYE DUN NO WITCH WON DOUGH..."

_**Battle Mode Start!** Petey's too sexy for his shirt, so he just wears lingerie!_

"I'MMA EET U NOW, FOOS!" bellowed Petey, as he jumped into the air, landed on some blocks... and jumped off... causing some rocks to go flying everywhere...? WTF?

"What the hell was that?" barked Chuigi.

Pikario shook his fist. "Yeah! Who do you think you are? LeBron James?"

His bro shot him a look. "Who?"

"Just shut up and kill the guy!" he retorted.

_Chuigi used **Seven Dust!** Nobody know why it's called that, but it sure as hell works! ...Except for this time, **because it didn't!**_

"That shit's for bugs, not plants!"

"Meh... It was worth a shot."

_Baby Pikario used Crayzee Dayzee! ZOMG! Those things are so cyoot!_

"DEM DAYSEEZ DON'T WERK ON ME! CUZ IMMA TOO SMRT!"

"So says the guy who's never heard of spell check..." Chuigi sneered.

_Petey Piranha used **PETEY PENDULUM!** A Piranha... thingy fell from a floating GameCube and slapped Pikario! Okay...?_

"W0W Th!s Guyz Wierder Th3n Taht Oth3r Guy Wii Fought Won Tyme!1" voice Baby Chuigi.

_"Which_ other guy?" inquired Pikario.

_Baby Pikario used **SPELL CHECK!** You had better make sure ALL the words are spelled correctly, or the English teacher of doom will eat your radishes!_

"WAOH! DAT WUZ STARNGE! NO MATTA! I'MMA EET YOUSE ANYWAY!"

_Petey Piranha used Sand! **Sand castles for everyone!** But it didn't work, because sand castles are **fun!**_

"OOH. GOODI3S! I liek castels!" Baby Pikario danced about!

_Baby Chuigi used MILK! It made all the sand rich with Vitamin D, and Ds are **bad **for English class!_

"AUGH! HOW'MMA GIT TA COLLEDGE NOW? I'M DUN 4!" wailed the gigantic Piranha, as his grades were shot!

Just then, Stuffwell sprung into action! "Anybody can go to college! Especially those who never shot for it in the first place!"

"IZ DAT TURE, MR SIUTCASE MAN?"

"Yes! Just go off and demand that you get an education! It may take some time and a lot of money, but it'll be worth it when have... **_insurance!"_**

"OOH! EENSURENCE IZ A BEG WURD DAT EYE CANT SPEEL, SO EET MUST BEE GUD! WELL, C YA!" And with that, he ran away to become a better man! ...Er, Piranha Plant... going forth into the world **WITH KNOWLEDGE!**

"Dude, we were trying to _kill _the guy, not make him smarter!" nagged Pikario.

"Sending him away is the next best thing!" replied the baggage. "Once again, I have savifyed the day!"

_Since Petey has left to go get a decent education, he automatically forfeits! Therefore..._

_**Battle Mode Completed!** I'm not exactly sure what just happened, but... Oh, look! a penny! _

**_"W3 SAED TEH WURLD!"_** danced Baby Chuigi.

"No, we didn't! We just saved... Hey! Where's Peach?" Pikario frowned.

Chuigi picked up the Cobalt Star Shard thing, that is_ totally_ not from PM2! "At least we got this!"

"Forget that!" the disgruntled Pikachu stomped over to Kylie's shell and shook her! "All right, where is she? You were in there with Peach, so where'd she go?"

Kylie popped out, not looking too pleased. "Pfft! Thanks a lot for saving me, losers! As ironic as it sounds, the big lug spit her back out soon after I joined the party!"

"Yeah, shoulda known..." he grumbled, dropping her. "Plot twists always have a way of screwing us up!"

"FYI, I also stole this big ass key from the Shroomishroobs before they threw me in!" she said, holding up... well, a big ass key! My god, what else were you people expecting?

"How is even holding a key that big possible and why would the Shroomishroobs carry it around like that, because I feel it has absolutely nothing to do with the plot?" asked... well, Chuigi! Who else? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS?

"THE KEY IS BIG, AS ARE THESE LETTERS, SO IT ALSO MUST BE IMPORTANT!" answered Kylie, somehow putting the key away! "Now, if you'll excuse me, I must leave! We'll probably see each other again, but you guys are totally going down on my hit list regardless!"

_And so, she did! But don't ask how. Apparently, if someone leaves the camera range, they inexplicably disappear into a cloud of nothingness!_

"Uh... When she said 'hit list', did she mean...?"

Pikario was enraged at his brother for such disgusting thoughts! "You know what? Don't bother! Let's just go through that hole in the back wall and see if Peach is there, instead of leaving like we should be doing in the first place!"

* * *

_So they did! And lo and behold, there was another cave, where Peach actually called out to them!_

"Hey! Is that Pikario I hear?" she laughed. "I know your ranting from anywhere!"

"Huh," Chuigi shrugged. "She's right over there. Imagine that."

"EYE SM3LL CUNspir4cy!" yelled Baby Pikario.

_Whoops! The little guy really shouldn't have said that, as Peach suddenly started saying the alphabet backwards, which is comepletely unorthodox because she can't even say it forwards! Bleh. They went inside the cave to see their perky princess staring at the wall!_

"Finally! For once, I get a free break!" Pikario cheered. "Karma won't stop me this time!"

Chuigi made a face. "Like karma's really the enemy here?"

_The babies, being their ususal curious selves, took a look at the princess' face!_

"HUH. Sh3 l00ks wierd!" said Baby Chuigi.

"...?" was Baby Pikario's commet!

"What's wrong with you two? This is totally Peach! I know her ass from a mile away!" bragged the oldest.

_For once in his life, Pikario found out he was very wrong! Peach turned around to face him, only to have her face completely covered with... **BANANA PUDDING!** HA! Betcha didn't see that one comin', didja?!_

"DEAR, SWEET ICED TEA WITH NO SUGAR!" Stuffwell nearly dropped _his_ luggage! "The princess hasn't iniated her 'I'm in another castle' mode, but her face sure has!"

"You know, that look really works for her!" laughed Chuigi.

Pikario sent him to the moon! ...Of Jupiter! _**"When you get back, make sure you land somewhere painful!"**_

* * *

_Well, well, well! What a cliffhanger! So many questions! Why does Peach have this stuff on her face? Why is it banana pudding? Why is Chuigi on a moon of Jupiter?! Why must Nintendo make up these annoying mini-games, just to show off that you know how to use a move you're supposed to be using for something else?! And how was Kylie able to leave so easily?! And why DO the wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round?! Only time will tell... and that probably spells out doom for all of us!_

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes:** For those of you who don't get the LeBron James joke... There was this one commercial for Nike he was in where he jumped off a swimming board and it took him like, 5 minutes to reach the pool, which was surrounded by clones of himself... Yeah, it doesn't make much sense if you haven't seen it; look for it on YouTube._


	8. The Wrath of Marriage and Lawsuits!

**_Authoress' Notes:_**_ Yikes! I didn't realize how long it's been since I updated this! Even though it's on hiatus, it still deserves one, so here it is! _

**

* * *

**

**_Pikario & Chuigi: Bozos in Time! _**

**_Chapter 8:_**_ The Wrath of Marriage and Lawsuits!_

* * *

_After finding out that Peach's face has been pwned with banana pudding, the bros decided to take her back in time and see what they could do about it, which was probably NOTHING!_

**_The Shroomish Kingdom! Circa...um...NOW!_**

_In Peach's Room, everybody stood around the princess sitting on her bed, trying to see who'd flip their lid first over her... uh, condition. Needless to say, Old Shroomsworth was the winner. _

"YOU DUMBASSES!" he snarled, throwing Baby Pikario at Chuigi! "YOU WENT AND LET THE PRINCESS CONTRACT A HORRIBLE DISEASE OF WHICH THE WORLD HAS NEVER SEEN! I SWEAR, YOU'D TWO BE BETTER OFF BRAINDEAD!"

"Dude, she's just got banana pudding on her face," said Pikario. "I'm sure she'll get over it."

"I should say!" added Young Shroomsworth. "The princess is perfectly fine! Aren't you, Your Highness?"

The princess nodded with a, "Mhhhmhmhphmmmh!"

Stuffwell sweatdropped. "...I fear she is enjoyifying the banana pudding too much to answer you."

"HARUMPH!" The older Breloom took Baby Peach and left. "You already bungled this, and I refuse to let you mess up the younger princess with your food poisoning! GOOD DAY TO YOU!"

Young Shroomsworth sweatdropped. "Am I always this... difficult?"

Chuigi shrugged. "Unfortunately."

"Damn."

"Oh, forget about you and your pitiful existence!" screeched a Shroomish. "What're we gonna do with Peach? We can't just leave her like this!"

"...Er, why don't you guys go take a break? Since it's so yummy, banana pudding doesn't last very long, so I'm betting she'll eat it off herself in no time! Right, princess?" Young Shroomsworth nudged the princess.

"Mmphphmmmmmmmmmmphphh!"

"...Yeeeah."

* * *

**_Outside!_**

"How can you just leave her alone like that?" asked Stuffwell. "I mean, but this bother you just a teensy, weensy little bit? You two should doing the watchifying over her until all this is cleared up!"

Chuigi rolled his eyes. "Aw, relax already! I mean, she's all by herself in her room, with banana pudding on her face, and a bunch of useless Shroomishes guarding her! What could possibly go wrong?"

_...That little comment ended with Pikario driving his head into the ground!_

"Nice going, genius! Now you've gone and jinxed us!"

"...Meh," grumbled Chuigi, too spazzed out to make a comment.

"Quick! To the Front Yard!" called Stuffwell, running off. _"Let the dejinxifying commence there!"_

* * *

_And so, everyone ran off to the Front Yard, despite them not knowing the heck Stuffwell meant by what he just said!_

"Okay, so... why are here again?" asked a very confused Pikachu.

Stuffwell shrugged. "How I am supposed to know?! I was only joking! You and Chuigi are way too impulsive, you know that?"

"And that's a bad thing because...?"

**"Everyone shut up and help us with the princess!"** shouted Old Shroomsworth. "She tires of both our mediocre tricks that were more beneficial to you her that her! **_What shall we do?!?!"_**

"Don't ask me," said Young Shroomsworth, who wasn't even trying anymore. "I'm still trying to figure out how I got all the way down here from Peach's Room in less than 10 seconds! I'm _pretty _sure I didn't jump off the bridge..."

"I WANT INTERTAINMENT NOW! WHERE is IT????" bawled the bored Baby Peach.

"We've tried everything, but it's still not working! You two! Do something for Her Highness immediately!"

"Uh... why not combine your 2 useless things together and make them one big useless thing?" suggested Chuigi.

"Brilliant!" exclaimed Young Shroomsworth. "We'll do exactly that and teach you 2 those moves and give the young princess Oreo cookies!"

Chuigi sweatdropped. "...I don't see what that has to do with anything, but..."

* * *

_See?! There ya go! I guess Stuffwell's smarter than we let on, and considering the fact that I already think he's super smart, that's a lot! Aside from that, both Shroomsworths taught the brothers and babies how to spin the babies so they could make Baby Cakes and keep themselves fed! Such teamwork was amazing to see, despite the fact the babies were doing all the work! But just as there were about to move onto pancakes, **BOOOOOOOOOOM!** Something exploded!_

Pikario looked up. "The hell was that?"

Chuigi pretended not to notice. "Forget it. It's nothing. Probably some dumbass Shroomish who forgot that air fresheners and ovens don't mix."

"Mmm, I guess you 2 should go check it out while we add more batter," said Young Shroomish. "Someone could've caught on fire up there!"

"Really?! Cool!" Pikario grabbed Chuigi and Stuffwell. "C'mon, losers! Let's go see!"

"And whatever you do, **don't make too much noise, or the soufflé won't come out right!"** added Old Shroomish, getting weird looks from Baby Peach and his younger counterpart!

* * *

_So, everyone magically appeared in Peach's Room just in time for Bowser to enter! GASP!_

"BWAHAHAHA! Look, it's the princess! And she's got banana pudding on her face! How delightful! I can eat it off on the way home!"

"Not so fast, Bowser!" Pikario shouted. "We're the only ones around here who'll get to eat that banana pudding!"

Chuigi shook his head. "And here I thought we were trying to save Peach..."

"OH, YEAH?! Well... **_What if I do this?!"_** Bowser set Peach's bed on fire! "How ya like meh now?!"

Pikario groaned. "Boy, you just keep getting lamer and lamer..."

_The king was about to set him ablaze, too, when all of a sudden, Peach's banana pudding went crazy and attacked him!_

"Gah!" he spat, pulling it off his face. "What the hell?! This thing just tried to kill me!"

"Maybe it's the calories," remarked Chuigi, suddenly finding his head under Pikario foot!

"Mmm! **_Killer banana pudding! YUM!"_** Being the dumbass he is, Bowser ate it, then starting throwing up purple crayon gunk! **_"Eww, RoseArt coloring tools! THAT'S JUST PLAIN GROSS!"_**

"Ew," Stuffwell gagged. "Whoever made that banana pudding has some real issues..."

"Man, forget this!" Bowser grabbed Peach and ran out! "I don't need your stinking pudding! I've got pie at home anyway, SO THERE!"

"DON'T LET 'EM GET AWAY!" bellowed Old Shroomsworth, appearing the fuck out of nowhere on Baby Peach's stroller! "You shall rue the day you crossed me, Mr. Sullivan!"

Bowser was confused beyond all belief! _"Who the hell's Mr. Sullivan?!"_

_Shroomsworth didn't only** not** answer him, but tried running into him! Bowser simply jumped over the delusional caretaker and busted up the bridge after falling back onto it! Then, he and Peach both fell into an inconveniently-placed Time Hole and disappeared! Oh, the irony!_

Pikario lowered his ears. "Well, should've seen that coming."

"I think you might be becoming a little too familiar with the plot," Chuigi said, only adding to the insult.

"OH NOES! H3 messed us up!" groaned Baby Pikario.

"D0es that me4n we cann't git no more kAkE$ Now?/??lol" asked Baby Chuigi.

"I'm afraid so!" said Stuffwell, who's been here much longer than I wanted him to! "Quick! Use the Spinning Baby Cakes to fly over the bridge and into that _inconveniently-placed Time Hole before the soufflé falls! I CAN FEEL ITS POWER WEAKENING!_"

* * *

**_Chimney_****_ Mountain_****_: Circa 20 Years Ago!_**

Baby Chuigi looked around, then smiled. "YAY! w3're here WE MAD3 IT! LOL"

Stuffwell nodded. "Yes, you have! Good job, babies! Now we have to wait for the dumbasses to show up..."

"Kewl! EYE wuz leik gettin lonely and SHUFF!" remarked Baby Pikario.

_And the three didn't have to wait long before Pikario and Chuigi came flying through the hole, almost falling off a nearby cliff!_

After getting his head together, Chuigi frowned. "...Uh, how did we just get through the Time Hole without flying over that chasm?"

"Hell if I know," shrugged Pikario. "Hey, look. Two random black-and-red polka dotted Shroomishes. That's kinda weird..."

"Like, duuude! Totally EXTREME Pikachu and Pichus, man!" said one.

"Oh, yeah! Hey man, welcome to Chimney Mountain, man! It's, like, the most uberest place this side of... er, HERE!" grunted the other.

"Right on, man! This place is EXTREME to the EXTREME! You can't get much EXTREMER than this place! Only the most EXTREME live here! I mean, dude! That's way we look so EXTREME!"

"Yeah, man! All four of you look EXTREME, and you've got EXTREME luggage!"

"Double extra EXTREME points for you, dood!" added the first. "You guys must, like, be going to climb Chimney Mountain, right, duuude?"

"Is that where Peach went?" asked Chuigi.

"No shit, Sherlock! Like she'd actually be sitting out here in the open for us to just grab!" Pikario retorted, throwing his bro off the mountain! "Man, you make me sick sometimes!"

"Oh, dude! Even if she's, like, not up there, you should like, totally go up the mountain, dude! **_IT IS TEH AWESOMENESS!"_** roared the second Shroomish.

"Aw, yeah, man!" agreed the first. "It's like, totally tubular, man! Not only that, it's**_ EXTREMEEEEE_**, man! You'll have a HOT time up there, man!"

"Well, duh," groaned Pikairo. "It's a volcano."

"Wait a minute..." the first Shroomish sweatdropped. "Dude, this is a volcano?"

"I repeat: Well, duh."

The second mushroom thing scowled at the first. "Dude, WTF?! You said this was a skiing resort without the snow! You know how much I hate the snow!"

"Dude, that's what the brochure said, man, dude!"

"Aw, crap! Dude! We gotta get off this thing before, like, y'know, the whole place explodes!"

"Aw, man! You're right! Totally exploding is like, way too_ **EXTREME**_, man!"

"I thought guys liked to be extreme," said the suitcase.

"To hell with that! C'mon, Steve! We're getting outta here!" Shroomsih #1 ordered, resulting in the two run off. "Have fun getting barbequed, man!"

"Oh, yeah. That's just the kind of attitude we need around here," muttered Chuigi, just seconds away from being knocked into next week!

* * *

_Ah, okay. Well, that was weird. But then again, weird is normal around here... or is it? Yeah, it is. Then, wait! What would that make normal?! **AHHHHHHHHHHH!** Well, as this crazy, nonsensical question plagues us all, Pikario, his bro, the babes, and the bag all head the mountain, fight really awesome bad guys like the Tanoombas, really stupid, ugly, annoying ones like the Thwacks, and the ones who shouldn't even be up there 'cuz they suck so bad! I'm looking at you, Red Coconutter! Before long, they'd reached the top!_

Chuigi pointed to something sparkling on the ground. "Look, it's Peach's tiara..."

Pikario knocked him over. "Dude, stop being so formal all the time. It's a_ crown!"_

His younger brother huffed. "Screw you! There's nothing wrong with being politically correct!"

"So says the queer..."

Stuffwell examined the tia-- er, crown! "Well, since this crown is here, that must mean... PEACH IS MISSING IT! OH NOES!"

Pikario rolled his eyes. "What else is new?"

**_BOOOOOOOOOOOM!_**_ All of a sudden, the volcano exploded! And very randomly, I might add! Molten lava and spaghetti sauce went everywhere!_

"Well, that sure is unfortunate," said Chuigi, as if it were no big deal.

"Yeah..." added Stuffwell. "You two both totally suxx0rs when it comes to good luck."

Pikario sweatdropped. "Dude, a volcano just erupted, we're 5 feet away from it, and all you can say is that it's unfortunate?!"

Chuigi shrugged. "Well, it is, isn't?"

"lolorz! it's leik havin' TAMATO soop!" laughed Baby Chuigi. "I wunt some! GIMME now!"

**"NOES! MIND THE EXPLOSIFACTION!"** warned Stuffwell, running away. "I don't know about you noobs, but I'm outta here!"

"Yeah!" Chuigi also began running off, along with the babies. "Forget Peach, man! She's screwed!"

Pikario suddenly got an idea! "Hey, look! A conveniently-placed cloud! There's probably some water in there!"

Stuffwell frowned. "The fuck?"

**"HEY, CLOUD! YOU SUCK!"** spat the Pikachu at the passing cloud!

_The cloud didn't seem to like Pikario's choice of words as it sneered and let ALL HELL LOOSE! ...If you call a ridiculous amount of rain pouring from one little cloud "letting all hell loose"... Well, regardless of that, he somehow put out the volcano! Fancy that!_

Stuffwell scoffed. "Hmph, imagine that! I didn't think such a random act of name calling could do something like this!"

Chuigi slapped his forehead. "Something tells me that wasn't supposed to happen. Neh, the plot's even more screwed up than usual..."

_Just then, two Golems fell from the sky!_

"...And I rest my case..."

"The crap?" growled one, who was obviously a girl. "Hey! Where'd all our lava go, why'd it stopped erupting, and what's with the cloud?!"

**_"KNOW YOU KNOW WHY I'M AWESOME!"_** barked the cloud, as it flew off, only to get struck by lightning seconds later!

Stuffwell raised an eyebrow. "Okay..."

"There no fire left. Volcano all gone..." groaned the second Thwomp, who was obviously an emo male.

"Oh, come on! I heard there's a Mt. Chimney in this place called Hoenn. Let's have our annual Jumping-Into-The-Volcano-Because-It's-Cool-When-It-Should-Really-Be-Hot Celebration there!"

"No, Hoenn suxx0rs. I wanted to jump in here. But it all gone now. I depressed..."

"NOW LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" she roared at the brothers. "When he get's like this, there's no dealing with him, I'm telling you! YOU SHALL PAY! MRS. THWOMP SHALL SMUSH YOU!"

Pikario scratched his head. "Uh, how are we talking here? $20? Any more than that, and we _might_ have to kill you."

**_BATTLE_****_ MODE START! OMG!_**_ I've never seen a female Thwomp before!_

"Listen, lady. It was either this, or we were screwed. And being screwed by a volcano ain't the way to go," explained Chuigi.

"Oh, yeah?! Well, I'mma screw with **_you!"_**

_Mrs. Thwomp used **DIVORCE PAPERS!** They didn't work, since nobody but there is married!_

Pikario scoffed. "Well, that was lame. Now for our retaliation!"

_Chuigi used **COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT!** It didn't work!_

His brother got pissed! "Way to fuck up our turn, Chuigi!"

"Like you had any better ideas?"

_Baby Pikario used House FORECLOSURE! **IT DIDN'T WORK!**_

Pikario frowned. "WTF? Like they actually live here?"

His baby form laughed. "IT KOULD happen lol...!"

_Baby Chuigi used Child Support! **PAY THE DAMN DAYCARE BILL!**_

"WTF!" Mrs. raised a humongous eyebrow! "We don't have any kids! Oh, the FBI's gonna go medieval on your ass!"

_Mrs. Thwomp used_ _Lawsuit!_ **_EVERYONE'S GOING TO JAIL!_**

"Gah!" Pikario freaked out! "Jail?! We can't go there! We've got a horrible criminal record!"

Chuigi sweatdropped. "Isn't that a good thing?"

After giving his brother a well-aimed blow to the head, Pikario turned to Stuffwell. "What'rewe gonna do?! You heard her, right?! Everyone's going to jail!"

**_"QUICK! USE THE FORCE!"_** was the valise's response!

"That's a terrible idea!" he growled, turning back to Mrs. Thwomp! "But I have no choice!"

_Pikario used **CHILDCARE SERVICES! HOW DARE YOU ABANDON YOUR ADOPTED CHILDREN LIKE THAT?! BETTER PAY OFF THE MORTGARE, OR YOUR HUSBAND'S GONNA RUN OFF WITH EVERYTHING!**_

Mrs. Thwomp howled in pain! "NOOOOOOOOOOO! Child care services'll never believe me now, and we don't live in England so I can't call 'The Nanny' to cover for me! ACK! I give up!"

_Oh ho! Mrs. Thwomp had forfeit, therefore Pikario wins!_

**_BATTLE_****_ MODE COMPLETED!_**_ Wow! Who knew Childcare Services were so scary?!_

"Bleh..." Mrs. Thwomp grumbled. "Great! Just motherfucking great! Not only is our annual love vacation screwed, but now I get owned by a bunch of little rats! Shnookums, do me a favor and SMUSH 'EM!"

Mr. Thwomp scowled. **"YOU TREAT LADIES NICE, BASTARDS! NOW I PWN **_**YOU!"**_

"Would it make it any better if I said we only beat the crap outta your wife because we were forced to?" blatantly voiced Chuigi.

Pikario hurled him into the volcano! "What he means to say is that we're looking for _my_ girl, and _your_ girl was in the way, so..."

"Oh, I see. That's nice. Mice look for lady in volcano. That's really nice."

"Nice?! That owns!" Mrs. put everybody on her hubby's head! "YOU TAKE THEM TO THE BOTTOM OF THAT VOLCANO, RIGHT NOW! THEIR LADY FRIEND DEPENDS ON IT!"

"Awesome!" Pikario danced with Baby Pikario! "We're going to the bottom of the volcano!"

Chuigi frowned, appearing the fuck outta nowhere! "Isn't that a bad thing?"

"OMG Cool! We're **_all_** going to save their girl! IT'S SO EXCITING!" Mrs. Thwomp jumped up and down! "I WANNA COME, TOO!"

Her husband sweatdropped. "Sorry... You too heavy. I can't take you... lardass."

_**"LARDASS?!**_ Why, I outta--!"

**_BOOM!_**_ With one blow, she sent all of them into the wide, blue yonder, then laughed manically as they plunged STRAIGHT INTO HELL! ...Which was technically the volcano, and since that's where they were going in the first place, I guess that's not so bad after all!_

* * *

**_Authoress' Notes:_**_ Can't say when the next update will be, but hopefully, I'll have this done by next year... Oh, and I skipped the "going to Younger E. Gadd's house" part because the ending has virtually nothing to do with the turn of events there._


End file.
